The G-Log

Within the last year or so, I've probably spent a few hundred dollars on various deals from Groupon, Living Social and Travelzoo in categories as varied as movie tickets, swim classes and Zipcar. Although technically I've saved hundreds of dollars by using these coupons, I would not have made most of these purchases in the first place because they are all pretty frivolous, the prime example being that speed reading class where I discovered that the 25% increase in reading speed led to a corresponding 25% decrease in retention and comprehension, plus all that finger wagging across the page just looked silly. However, I don't regret any of the purchases, especially the 2 for 1 AMC or Fandango movie ticket deals, which I LOVE!

The lone exception being the food/drinks deals, which have all been infuriating.

My first food/drink deal came by this past January, via a Travelzoo coupon for the then newly opened W Hotel by the World Trade Center: 4 drinks + 3 appetizers for $39, a $108 value supposedly. Taxes and gratuities are not included of course. Because I've always had great drinks at the W, this location is within walking distance of my apartment, and the coupons didn't expire until mid July, I thought it would be a no-brainer. It seemed like such a good deal I bought two. I went in the following Friday night with some family and the coupon. There was predictably a fairly large crowd of people who all came because of the deal, so it took a good while before we were seated. After waiting another 15 to 20 minutes, a waitress finally came over to hand us the special Travelzoo menu, which had a choice of 3 decent cocktails and maybe 4 less-than-appetizing appetizers, if I remember correctly, in contrast to the normal menu, which had at least 20 more drinks and 10 more appetizer choices. The cocktails were definitely up to W standards, but the appetizers were pretty small and substandard. I think we ordered some bedeviled eggs and fries, which weren't enough so we ordered more food and drinks from the regular menu. I think at one point, I waited a good 30 minutes for my next drink. At the end of the night, we got the bill. Basically, they charged each drink/food order according to the price on the regular menu plus taxes and an automatic 18% tip and then applied a $108 credit toward the total amount, so I ended up paying about $80 total, including the coupon. While I got a pretty good deal, it was not a pleasant experience overall because of the terrible service and the crappy out-of-the way location. The much ballyhooed outdoor skating rink on the fifth floor outside of the bar was not much larger than my parents' porch! I guess part of the reason we got really bad service is because they knew they would be charging us a mandatory tip (which was NOT mentioned in the coupon fine print at all). I regretted getting the 2nd coupon by that point.

Goal: get good deal while trying out a new place.
Outcome: good drinks and so so food at a discount, a galling 18% tip considering the horrible service rendered

Fast forward 5 months. I got in on that big Living Social NYC lunch promotion where I paid $1 for a $20 credit towards food at some crappy bar/restaurant in Hells Kitchen called Latitude. It's your run of the mill, mediocre, faux trendy Manhattan bar/lounge/restaurant that most people who actually work and live in the city would walk past without even bothering to peek inside because it's so damn generic looking. I don't know why it's even open for lunch because it usually looks deserted and no one I know had ever eaten there before. Maybe once in a while it catches a few stray tourists who wandered out of Times Square? Anyways, I persuaded a couple of coworkers to come with me because of the deal, figuring that we would each get about $7 off our orders (since we could only use 1 coupon per table) and try out a new place too. We got there at around 12:30. Of course there was a fucking line out the door because everyone else got in on the deal too. We waited 10 minutes before even seeing the hostess, who told us we could wait for a table (no estimate on the wait time) or just get our food to go. Because the place was packed already with people who just sat down at their tables, we figured getting the food to go would be faster, so we waited another 10 minutes in line before finally getting the "special" Living Social menu, which had maybe 5 or 6 choices, costing about $12 to $15 each, as opposed to the regular menu which actually had more appetizing choices at cheaper prices. I ended up ordering some $14 steak tacos while my coworkers ordered a chicken wrap and a tuna salad wrap (or some shit like that). We proceeded to wait and wait and wait for our food while watching people who were originally behind us in line sit down at their tables, put their orders in, and then dig into their food. I felt a little sorry for the waitress, who looked like she was totally slammed and apologized for our wait a couple of times. Then she completely avoided looking in our direction until she finally got us our food. Wait time for food: 50 minutes. This doe not include the 20 minutes before we put in our order. By the time we got back to the office, it was close to 2. My coworkers then went back outside to get pizza because they had to throw away their orders because the tuna didn't taste fresh at all (what kind of dumb ass orders tuna at a bar anyways?) and the lettuce was almost rancid. My steak tacos were pretty dreadful, but edible, so I wolfed them down.

Goal: get good deal while trying out a new place.

Outcome: almost 90 minutes of waiting for terrible food with zero saving over what I normally spend on lunch, leading to my first Yelp review ever (because I'm usually too lazy to review anything; http://www.yelp.com/biz/latitude-bar-and-lounge-new-york#hrid:INMlIRgHokBOsNfl3Me4pw) and endless mocking from the coworkers every time we walk past this wretched place now.

This past Friday, I realized that my second W Hotel coupon would expire on Sunday so I trekked over there after work. We got there at 7:30ish but the bouncer wouldn't let us in because he claimed there were 1500 people in the bar already (which I find hard to believe because that's like 5x the max capacity). He suggested coming back on Saturday between 3 and 5 (WTF??) and conveniently didn't hear me explaining that I would be out of town the rest of the weekend. So we went to see "Super 8" at the Regal Cinema nearby (which was very enjoyable and I highly recommend, btw) and then tried our luck at the W again. By this time it was almost 11 already. No bouncer at the door stopped us so we went straight up to the 5th floor bar and lounge. As we walked into the lounge, it looked about half empty and no hostess greeted us so we went inside and sat down at a table by ourselves. After waiting for 10 minutes with no one coming over to take our order in the half empty lounge, I flagged down a hostess and asked her how we could order drinks. Long story short, she said all the tables were reserved already until 4 am, but we could "hang out there" and order from the bar, even though the place was pretty empty. So I went over to the bar and gave one of the bartenders my coupon and was told that kitchen was closed so no more appetizers. I said that's fine and we'll just order drinks then. He took the coupon, gave me a drinks menu, and then never looked in my direction again. I spent the next 30 minutes standing by the bar trying to get the two asshole bartenders' attention while one of them flirted with a bunch of girls at the other end. Finally, a new bartender came and took my order and took another 10 minutes to make all 4 drinks. During this time, some random black dude kissed me on the cheek because he was drunk and it was his birthday. I was initially surprised and then tried to figure out if I knew him because he looked kinda familiar for some reason. He seemed like a fun-loving guy and I might have done worse on previous drunken occasions myself, so it was all good. Anyhoo, we hanged out on the sofa for another hour enjoying the great drinks (the Hoegaarden cocktail was super refreshing) while the place got emptier. When it was time to leave, the bill came with all 4 drinks credited, yet another 18% mandatory tip ("large group service" or some bullshit like that), and taxes. So I ended up paying almost $60 total for 4 drinks that averaged about $13 per drink, which means in the end I saved about $15 or $20.

Goal: tried to use up the last coupon before expiration
Outcome: Shitty shitty service with attitude. Never going back there again.

After using these coupons, it dawned on me that the only winner in the whole thing is the middle man (e.g. Living Social). Instead of it being a win/win/win situation, where I enjoy great deals, the venues attract new customers, and the coupon sites make a cut, the venues can't offer decent service/goods because they underestimate the demand, I and hordes of other people get annoyed enough that we never want to return, and the coupon sites still collect all that money. Not sure how sustainable this business model will be for all the coupon sites. Oh, I also can't stand those bullshit whimsical Groupon deal blurbs that sound like they were written by a bunch of Creative Writing dropouts. They all sound so awkward, forced and retarded.

But Restaurant Week starts next week! Guess some people just never learn :)

Don't mess w the owners

2011-07-09T16:47:00.001-04:00

Triples

2011-07-09T15:14:00.001-04:00

Riding shotgun for realz

2011-07-09T13:40:00.001-04:00

Blueberry pancakes at Jeannie's!

2011-07-04T11:45:00.001-04:00

Lobster in Maine. Mmmmmm

2011-07-02T23:52:00.001-04:00

Jordan Pond - Acadia National Park

2011-07-02T20:47:00.001-04:00

Jordan Pond - Acadia National Park

2011-07-02T20:45:00.001-04:00

Jimmy's No 43

2011-06-24T23:20:00.001-04:00

Outside St. Bart's

2011-06-24T21:01:00.001-04:00

Nothing beats Governor's Island

2011-06-18T20:01:00.001-04:00

More High Line 2

2011-06-07T21:40:00.001-04:00

High Line part 2: best sequel of the year

2011-06-07T21:02:00.001-04:00

This is why I hate people on Craig's List

2011-03-26T00:06:00.001-04:00

Every time I put something on CL at a decent price, I get emails from asshats asking if they could get it for half price, BEFORE EVEN SEEING THE DAMN THING!!
Recently, I've been trying to sell my old laser printer for $50 on Craig's List, which seems pretty reasonable to me for a fully functioning laser printer with plenty of toner left. After several back and forth exchanges with some douche, I give up. "Hi Gary,

Thanks. A couple of things - since you don't have the disk, I downloaded the driver and wanted to test that it would install under Windows 7 - it says it needs the printer connected, though, to install it (unlike other printers - I've done this a lot). As such, I will have to bring a laptop (with Windows 7) with me and install it there with the printer connected just to be sure (unfortunately, not all printers work with Win 7).

All this means more work for me. Also, a friend of my girlfriend offered to give me a printer - I don't want to 'dis' you though. So, in consideration of all this, I can justify spending $40 for your printer.

Please let me know if the above is acceptable for you."

My final response:

"Tom, I know you've been trying to buy a printer for a while, since you had contacted me almost a month ago when I first put up the printer for sale. I'm not really that desperate to sell it to be honest so I'm perfectly happy to wait until someone is willing to pay me $50 for a printer that I had purchased originally for almost $200, for which I am also throwing in a USB cable, which did not come with the printer originally, in addition to the toner refill kit that I had purchased on my own afterwards. Also, I'm not really sure why it's more work for you because I don't have the install disk and the driver installation program requires you to connect the printer. You would need to install the driver whether you got it from me on a disk or downloaded it from the net. You would also still need to connect the printer to your laptop. The only difference is you are doing it at my apt instead of at your own place. I don't even understand why you need to bring your laptop over in the first place. If Samsung is providing a Windows 7 driver for the printer, then I don't see any reason for the printer not working with your Windows 7 laptop. I don't know anything about your gf's friend's free printer, but if it suits your needs better then you should take it. I won't feel "dissed" if you decide to go with that, just like I didn't feel dissed when you didn't come on Tuesday night.
Let me know if you are still coming tomorrow.
Thanks,
Gary

Yet another busted shirt, need to stop flexing so much

2011-03-17T16:20:00.001-04:00

I need to start a S***t My Niece Says Twitter feed

2010-12-25T10:39:00.001-05:00

Me: ARGH! Can't get this stupid Wii Wifi to work!
Sister: Maybe it's defective and we should return it?
Niece: No! You can't return it to Santa!

The Heineken Inspire Show with Cee Lo Green, Nas, J. Cole, and Diplo

2010-11-17T00:05:00.001-05:00

On this past Saturday afternoon, I attended the Heineken Inspire show with Eric at Pier 36 in downtown Manhattan. The whole process, from getting in to enjoying the show was amazingly well planned and organized. Other than the fact that I stood for about 8 hours straight, which made me glad that I work at a cushy office job, the show was one of the best concert experiences I've ever had.
I had found out about the show through My Free Concert (http://myfreeconcert.blogspot.com/). To get in, we had to first preregister by sending a text message to some number and then show security the confirmation message that was texted back to us. We got in line at 2 PM and were inside by 3:15. Super smooth sailing. No obnoxious bouncers or security guards. I didn't get hassled for bringing in my SLR or 2 lenses (17-85 mm and 70-300 mm) either.

Once we got inside, we were amazed at the amount of space inside this huge warehouse that was concerted into a concert hall for this show. There were several bars all serving Heinekens of course, in addition to 5 or 6 food stands serving tacos, hot dogs, Jamaican beef patties, and pretzels. The best part? EVERYTHING WAS FREE!! Free unlimited beer! Free unlimited food! What's even better than free stuff? The fact that I never waited more than 1 minute for a beer and 10 minutes for any food because the organizers actually kept the crowd to a manageable size. I tried the whole Heineken line up: Heineken, Heineken Light, Heineken Dark Lager (yes, I had no idea they had other beers besides just Heineken), even the Heineken Light in the cool aluminum bottle that glows in black light. While we gorged ourselves on the free food and beer, Eric and I enjoyed the really great mix by DJ Roxy Cottontail (blonde girl in the picture below), who was the first performer of the night. The music she chose was so good I would have been perfectly content even if no one else showed up.
Then Diplo (white dude with the headphones; I had never heard of these DJs before) came on and put on another hour of good music, followed by a lot of awesome hip hop songs by Pete Rock.
By the time 5:00 or 5:30 rolled around, people were getting antsy. Finally, some dude whose name I don't remember but looks very familiar in his purple sweater came up and warmed up the crowd. He then introduced J. Cole (who I had also never heard of, but is apparently an up-and-comer that's been getting raves; yeah I'm a poser when it comes to hip hop), who was actually surprisingly good and got the crowd totally energized. Apparently almost everyone else knew who he was. He was followed by Dres from Black Sheep, which was famous for that "The Choice Is Yours" song ("You can get with THIS, or you can get with THAT") in the early 90's. Apparently he has an album coming out so he was on for a few songs.
Then Cee Lo Green came on, backed by some HOT ladies in white tights (note: I had to refrain from making this album 90% Ms. Brunette/Ms. Blonde, 10% rappers). I had only known him from that Gnarls Barkley "Crazy" song before, although I did read about the "Fuck You" song. Man, he was awesome! The highlight of the night for me basically. That man could sing! His music style seems to alternate between rock and old-school mo-town R&B. However you try to categorize it, it's fantastic. The best part was the "Fuck You" song, of course, when the lyrics bounced on the jumbotron behind him as he sang, like a karaoke video.
After Cee Lo performed for about an hour, we had to endure another hour of standing around because of the equipment switching and also some technical difficulties. Then Nas came on. It was the first time I had ever seen him live and was actually somewhat of a letdown after Cee Lo because there seemed to be some issues with the acoustics. He just didn't sound as good for some reason. Of course, he did "One Mic" and "Made You Look." At one point, he even jumped into the crowd. His burly entourage came around to pull him back on stage. To be honest, the whole time he was performing, I was wondering who the secret guest would be. Kanye West was rumored to be The One, which was the main reason I went to this show.
Alas, after Nas performed about 45 minutes, it was all over. No Kanye. Later on I would find out that J. Cole was the special guest. Then I walked the 1.5 mile back to the apartment and collapsed on my sofa.

What an amazing experience! I have to admit it was a genius idea on Heineken's part. It definitely cultivated some brand affinity from me. While I wouldn't trade my favorite Belgians for a Heineken the next time I'm at a bar, I might be more inclined to pick it over say, a Corona or Amstel.

Here are the pics:

See and download the full gallery on posterous

Angkor Wat

2010-11-06T11:30:00.001-04:00

Hey Steve, I see you are in Siem Reap now. Here's the travel fish guide I used when I went there in 2008. The wat guide section is still relevant and useful. I URGE URGE URGE URGE you to visit the two outlying temples detailed in page 18 of this document: Banteay Srei and Beng Mealea. I know they are far from Siem Reap but they are sooooooooooooo worth it. Trust me on this dude. Banteay Srei is the most beautiful temple in the entire place and Beng Mealea is just freaking cool. You HAVE to go to them! My trip would have been incomplete without visiting these two places.

Download now or preview on posterous

siem-reap-2008.pdf (675 KB)

Shanghai Apt pics

2008-01-02T10:54:00.000-05:00

Check them out here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/22414193@N06/sets/72157603607519836

Sigh, if only I can have you guys over for drinks now :(

The Eagle Has Landed

2007-12-14T19:12:00.000-05:00

First post from Shanghai. Yay!

Thoughts from Central Europe

2007-10-26T10:20:00.000-04:00

It's now Day 12 on our Central Europe + Berlin tour. Kodawg and I are on the last leg of our trip in Budapest, after having visited Berlin, Prague, and Krakow. So far, Prague is my favorite city. Krakow is pretty cool too. Berlin has been somewhat disappointing.

All the Central Europe cities have blurred together in my brain because they all have a lot of similarities. Beautiful architecture cut through by a river. An old town here, a more modern/hip new town there. A few mega churches here and there, (ok A LOT if you are in Poland), all with ridiculously ornate altars and chapels and tombs. Tons of souvenir shops all selling the same junk, all of which were made in China. A Jewish quarter where all the Jews lived happily together before the Holocaust. A castle here and a bridge there. Museums with paintings of Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, and more Jesus, sometimes maybe Jesus with Mary.

Here are a few memorable memories (brain is not working too well today after the 11-hour night train from Krakow):

* Getting yelled at in a Berlin bar by some German chick because I used the wrong bathroom. Hey, it's not my fault that 1.) the bathroom is for a single person and 2.) some other dude was in another bathroom with the exact same sign on it. All I heard was, "Shlauphen hauphen, shlauphen hauphen, ick veen hauphen..." Which is what all German words sound like to me. That language sounds like an abomination. The only language that sounds less sexy than German is that tongue-clicking language used by the Bushmen of the Kalahari Desert.

* Seeing Kodawg getting accidentally elbowed in the nose at a club in Prague by some crazy black dude who was flailing his arms around when he was dancing. It was a good thing that he didn't suffer any bad injuries, so I could have a hearty laugh without feeling too guilty about it. We weren't even in the dancing pit! It was so strange it could have only happened to Kodawg.

* Trying to tell the bartender at a club in Prague to get me enough drinks so I can proclaim the next day, "I have a monkey," which is another way of saying "I'm totally hung over."

* Seeing a huge glass display case full of human hair that were collected from victims of the Holocaust at Auschwitz I. A real hell on earth.

* Enduring all the gawking in Krakow by all these elementary/high school kids who acted like they had never seen Asians before. At first, I kinda enjoyed the attention. After a while, it became progressively more annoying, especially when they started throwing in the "Ching Chong" noises. Didn't know that Chinese sounded like that to Polacks too. When we went to the salt mine in Wieliczka, a small town about 10 miles southeast of Krakow, I walked in an opposite direction from a pair of high school girls. When I made eye contact with the girl on the right as I walked past them, she literally gasped, like she just saw Jesus or something.

Later on, I stopped feeling annoyed because I remembered being fascinated by white people myself when I was in elementary school in China. My school was next to a college dormitory for foreign visiting students. We used to yell "Hello" at the white students biking past the school.

Anyways, so the next time a bunch of school children were gawking at us again, when Kodawg wasn't looking, I busted out the Bruce Lee "Hai Yaaa!" pose. And they went, "Whoa!" It was pretty entertaining.

Last night on the night train from Krakow to Budapest, at 5 AM a bunch of what sounded like high school kids came on the train and were running around yelling and being idiots in general. Kodawg and I were lying on the seats trying to get some sleep. When one of the kids walked past our cabin, I swear I heard, "blah blah blah Jackie Chan blah blah blah."

* Speaking of languages, Polish just sounds like a bunch of "sh" sounds to me. When I bought something for 29.99 PLN at a local mall and the cashier told me the final price, all I heard of "sh shh zh zh sh zh sh" and nothing else!

* Devouring an AMAZING ice cream/fruit combo extravaganza in a mall in Krakow. I will post pictures later, but if this Italian gelato chain ever moves to New York, it would obliterate all other ice cream/dessert places.

* Seeing Da Vinci's "Lady with an Ermine" in a Krakow museum, or as I dubbed it, "Chick with Furry Animal."

* Watch in amazement as Kodawg tracks down souvenir fridge magnets for his collection at home. I swear that kid has developed some kind of weird fridge magnet sixth sense by now. It's almost like he can smell magnets.

* Buying some shirts/underwear/socks from H&M because I was running out of clean clothes and it's a pain to find a laundromat here. Got the 7-pair sock bundle that has a day of the week on each pair of the socks. Have a big grin on my face now because I'm wearing my Friday socks.

Anyways, time to go. Still have to explore Hungary. Defintely will visit the famous public bath here and maybe get a nice foot massage too. These feet have walked miles and miles lately.

Panda Mania

2007-10-09T23:05:00.000-04:00

I would totally pay $130 to hug some panda cubs. Who's visiting me in China next year?

Booyakasha!

2007-10-07T12:16:00.000-04:00

How do you like them apples now.

Amateur Hour

2007-10-04T19:51:00.000-04:00

Commerce Bank blows. It's seriously the worst fucking bank I've ever had the misfortune of dealing with. I have had to call and visit their branches more times in the last two weeks since I opened my account there than I've had to do the same with Chase in 5 years. What's the point of being able to reach customer service on the phone immediately and being able to go to a branch at 7:30 PM when they can't help with ANYTHING!!! Ugh!!

Anyways, here's what happened: I opened the WOW checking account with them a couple of weeks ago because it offers unlimited ATM surcharge refunds, won't charge me transaction fees for international withdraws, and only has a $2500 minimum balance. I opened the account and made a deposit on 9/27. Then I made another deposit with two checks on 3 days ago. The first deposit STILL isn't available for withdrawal and won't be available until next Monday, a full 7 BUSINESS days after the deposit, even though the money was deducted from the other account the day after the deposit was made!

Today I got a letter from Cucksucking Bank saying that they couldn't verify the 2nd deposit because "the paying bank won't allow the check to be paid." I dropped in to a branch and asked WHICH bank wouldn't allow the check to be paid. They didn't know and told me to drop by tomorrow before 5 PM so they could call the check processing people. Then they speculated that it may be a problem with my dad's and the roomie's banks. Of course the money has been taken out of both banks already a couple of days ago.

Their online banking site also looks like it was designed by some mom and pop shop out in buttfucking Iowa. See for yourself.

Commerce Bank sucks!! Commerce Bank sucks!! Commerce Bank sucks!! Commerce Bank sucks!! Commerce Bank sucks!! Commerce Bank sucks!! Commerce Bank sucks!! Commerce Bank sucks!! Commerce Bank sucks!! Commerce Bank sucks!! Commerce Bank sucks!! Commerce Bank sucks!! Commerce Bank sucks!! Commerce Bank sucks!! Commerce Bank sucks!! Commerce Bank sucks!! Commerce Bank sucks!!

Three Generations

2007-09-11T22:09:00.000-04:00

This past weekend and the weekend before I went up to my parents' place in CT to hang out with my sister and niece, who were visiting from CA. I wish they lived on the East Coast so I can see them more than once per year, but then again, I do get an excuse to go to CA and hang out with my friends out there every year.

My niece had always been somewhat temperamental the previous times I had visited her. Sometimes she came running to hug me while other times she would barely acknowledge my existence, even during that time I bought her a huge stuffed puppy from FAO Schwarz!

Fortunately, she seemed a lot happier to see me these past two weekends. We held hands and skipped along on the sidewalk near my parents' house. I gave her piggy back rides when she was too tired to walk. When I hoisted her tiny waist on my shoulders and helped her "fly," the little rascal farted in my face! It stank too! I tried teaching her how to do a proper push up but her little arms weren't strong enough to keep her stomach off the ground, although she did get quite a kick out of climbing on my back while I was doing push ups. She always let out a hearty laugh and yelled, "You are naked!" whenever she saw me walking around the house without a shirt on. It's even funnier when we were walking on the street and she pointed to a statute and exclaimed with the same happy laugh, "He's naked!"

For some reason, she refers to breasts as "taggles," as in "That lady has big taggles!" which she actually yelled out to my sister once when they walked past an evidently very gifted lady at a mall. Once she pointed to a little black boy living across the street and said innocently, "You are very dark," which of course mortified my sister. Apparently, she has inherited her uncle's childhood ability to utter devastatingly blunt statements that could cause severe embarrassment to all grown ups nearby. Supposedly, there was this one time when one of my parents' acquaintances, who walked with a slight limp, came to our home for a visit, I greeted him with a loud "Hello uncle [a respectful term used for male grown ups]!" He acknowledged me with a big smile, so I followed up with, "Are your legs gimpy?" My parents wished they could have dug a hole somewhere and hid there. And that's probably the least embarrassing of all the amusing things I've said as a kid that my parents always reminisce about.

Anyways, as I looked around my parents' house at all of Cindy's toys and books -- the Dora chairs, jigsaw puzzles, lego pieces, crayons, children's books in both English and Chinese, finger puppets, coloring books, pieces of the playground set my dad was assembling for her -- I couldn't help but compare her charmed little life with that of my parents, my sister and me.

My parents have endured a tremendous amount of hardship in their lives. My father's mother passed away shortly after giving birth to him. My mother's grandparents were supposedly wealthy landowners before the Communists took over, which meant a huge black mark on her record and led to much persecution from her classmates. They were fortunate to have survived their teens because of the devastating famine that swept through the country and killed tens of millions. Just as they were preparing to leave home to go to college, the Cultural Revolution came crashing down on them. Dad was sent to some rural village on some mountain near our hometown and worked as a blacksmith making farming tools and kitchen utensils (he still has fond memories of the bulging muscles he developed) while Mom was sent to some other village hundreds of miles away to be a farm hand. By the time my parents finally made it to college, they were in their mid-twenties already. Then they had to juggle college/grad school with raising my sister, and, a few years later, me (for whom they had to get a waiver because I was born after the one-child policy came into effect and the only reason they were allowed to have me was that my sister was severely injured in a fire). After all that, they packed up all their stuff, left all their friends and relatives, and moved to America.

[To be continued ...]

Workplace Tomfoolery

2007-08-15T22:46:00.000-04:00

In development team chat room:

13:00 coworker1 i wonder how many times yoda has been divorced
13:01 coworker1 900 years, that could really add up
13:08 coworker2 Are you suggesting he's a Jedi Elizabeth Taylor?
13:08 coworker2 Maybe they share the same plastic surgeon
13:12 coworker3 haha may the farce be with you
13:13 coworker3 but sorry to disappoint, i think he's just a puppet...
13:23 coworker4 Its all a bit of a worry really - Ron did say he preferred the Yoda dialect in a discussion a few weeks ago.
13:25 coworker5 klingon all the way
13:31 coworker6 lo'laHchugh ghunpu'ghachwIj 'e' Dayu''a' chaq bIQambogh DaqDaq qaHoH
13:32 coworker6 (taken from http://www.csn.ul.ie/~caolan/Texts/coders.html)
13:33 coworker5 Delbogh navmey poQ pujwI'vaD ghIjwI'vaD je
14:05 Mr. Grouchy unsubscribe

Later I IM Mr. Grouchy

14:15:20 Tue (ME) haha, unsubscribe, nice
14:16:02 Tue (Mr. Grouchy) seriously? star ware and star trek....that just validated every stereo type about it people
15:05:46 Tue (ME) don't pretend you don't put on your darth maul outfit and practice with your light saber after work every day
15:06:06 Tue (Mr. Grouchy) unsubscribe

17:14:16 Tue (ME) what's the autosys command to change the host of a job again?
17:14:45 Tue (Mr. Grouchy) after your module load run:
17:15:04 Tue (Mr. Grouchy) chgownermach -J jobname -m machine name
17:18:56 Tue (ME) thanks
17:18:59 Tue (ME) you are such a baller
17:19:12 Tue (Mr. Grouchy) what?

Just When You Think It Can't Get Any Worse

2007-07-30T23:37:00.000-04:00

An IM conversation

2007-07-30T20:59:00.001-04:00

(Me) note to self: don't go jogging right after having 2 beers
(Me) i felt like i was pregnant 15 min into my run
(Director) you should have seen me 2 hours after you left. . .
(Me) dancing on the bar?
(Director) might as well have been
(Director) i had already drank all the beer
(Me) haha, sounds like a good time
(Me) [my manager] reminded me that i poked him in the stomache like the pillsbury doughboy as I was leaving
(Director) and? who didn't. . .
(Me) oh, i thought i was the only one
(Director) by the end of the night, i think he thought he was the pillsbury dough boy

Yay

2007-07-29T00:54:00.000-04:00

An article in the LA Times about my hometown.

Is It Me...

2007-06-27T00:00:00.000-04:00

Or do these snippets from the wrestler murder-suicide tragedy story seem completely incongruous?

"Investigators...want to know whether the muscle man nicknamed 'The Canadian Crippler' was unhinged by the bodybuilding drugs..."

"The Montreal-born Benoit was one of the stars of the World Wrestling Entertainment circuit and was known for his wholesome family man image"

Great Random Moments in Gliu's Life

2007-06-24T22:38:00.001-04:00

#283 Outside the men's room at the Foz do Iguacu Airport

Japanese kid (whom I always associate with that Annyong kid from "Arrested Development" even though they probably look nothing alike) opens bathroom door for me and then bows for me.

#502 Inside the Xunta Tapas Bar on 11th St. & 1st Ave

Made eye contact and face at a kid walking by the restaurant. He was wearing a brown T-shirt that said, "I (heart) Trees").

BTW, I'm no tapas connoisseur (don't usually meet up with my girlfriends for cosmos with tapas after work), but Xunta has to be the worst tapas place in NYC. Ugly decor. No atmosphere. Overpriced, bland food served along with sangria that tasted like it came out of a can. How this place stays in business when there's the vastly superior Mercadito a couple of blocks away (11th St. & Ave B), with its out-of-this-world ceviches (the only ceviches I've ever liked at any South American place I've ever been to), delicious soft tacos, and tasty margaritas spiked with habanero sauce on top of great, friendly service and reasonable prices, is beyond me.

#620 ??

Yan: "If you ever need to get an escort [which, for the record, I will NOT], DON'T tell them you want a Brazilian chick, because they'll just send you a black chick."

#739 At apartment in Soho

Greeted by Joe's sister's friends, whom I hadn't met since we all went on a ski trip to Vermont in January.

Hot friend #1 (who's bi-racial: half black/half white): "OMG Gary, I love your new haircut! You look so much better than last time! If I didn't have a man already, I would be running away with you!"

Hot friend #2 (Chinese): "Gary, you look so much better! You lost a lot of weight!"

Later I would be toasted myself after a few stiff drinks whipped up by Joe and also some Absinthe (which tasted like Chinese herbal medicine, btw). At one point while #1 was dancing to a Beyonce music video, I yelled to her, "Dee, make you booty touch the ground!" which shocked everyone. She was a bit taken back but amused. It's a good thing I didn't yell out the other phrase bouncing around in my head at the time: "Make your booty go clap!"

Thug Passion

2007-06-22T19:37:00.000-04:00

Excerpt lyrics from R. Kelly's "The Zoo," off his upcoming album:

"It's like a jungle atmosphere
And we're two monkeys baby
It's like we're on a vine
The way we're swinging it baby
See, you're a tiger girl
The way you're scratching me
I'm a lion
In this jungle I'm a king
Girl, I got you so wet
It's like a rain forest
Like Jurassic Park
Except I'm your sex-a-saurus baby
You and me hopping
Like two kangaroos
Rattling and moaning
Out here in these woods"

Superman Jokes

2007-06-18T22:40:00.001-04:00

Just saw Superman Returns on Cinemax, which is no less disappointing than the first time I saw it in the theatre. The plot made no sense and Kevin Spacey made a terrible villain. On top of that, Kumar just played a random henchman with no personality.

Anyways, I was reminded of these two Superman jokes:

#1
Superman was kinda bored so he just started flying around looking for something to do. He's flying over Wonder Woman's house and sees her bedroom window is open. He stops for a glimpse and sees her lying on her bed naked. She's lying there and squirming around looking real hot.

Superman was getting turned on looking at her so he decides what the hell, I can just fly in real quick, give her the ole' in-out and be out of there before she even knows what hit her. After all he is Superman. So, in he goes, wham-bam and he's out of there.

Wonder Woman knew something happened and says, "What was that?" The invisible man says, "I don't know but, damn, is my ass sore."

#2
Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building.

One turns to the other and says: "You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building - by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window."

The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.

The 2nd Man says: "What are you a nut? There is no way in hell that could happen."

1st Man: "No it's true let me prove it to you." So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.

The 2nd Man tells him: "You know I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke."

1st Man: "No, I'll prove it again" and again he jumps and hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.

2nd Man: "Well what the hell, it works, I'll try it." So he jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors...and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat.'

Back upstairs the bartender turns to the other drinker: "You know, Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk."

iTouche

2007-06-18T00:56:00.000-04:00

Last night at 4 AM I got an email from iSachin from San Francisco gushing about the virtues of the iPhone after an encounter with it.

Today, our exchange on AIM went as follows:

Me (5:48:48 PM): did u iCome in your iPants when you saw the iPhone?
iSachin (6:02:46 PM): iDId

The Legend Continues...

2007-06-09T23:26:00.000-04:00

A week ago I was hanging out at Caliente Cab, the Mexican bar/restaurant down the street from the apartment, with Adrienne and the gang, when we started talking about the childhood bogeyman with which our parents used to scare us into obedience. I no longer remember what everyone else said because I was no longer lucid at that point, or maybe it just shows how self-absorbed I am. Anyways, I somehow managed to uncover a gem of a childhood memory from way back when.

Here it goes: When I was a kid, my dad used to scare me by telling me that if I didn't behave, Ge Niu Lao Han would come to get me. For those of you not conversant in Mandarin Chinese, Ge Niu Lao Han means literally, Cut Pee Pee Old Man. So, according to Dad, if I am a bad little boy, this old man would come for me, and more specifically, my pee pee. To show he means business, this old dude carries around with him a huge fucking bag (ok, Dad didn't exactly put it that way, but you get the gist) filled with pee pees from bad little boys who didn't listen to their parents.

I don't quite remember my reaction to this story anymore. I don't even think I was that scared, even though looking back now the whole thing is disturbing on so many different levels. To start, what kind of fucked up parents would tell their kids about some old lunatic roaming the night looking for little boys' penises to cut off? And what is he going to do with his big bag of kiddo penises anyways? Sicko!

I don't think the story was that effective at scaring me because at age 6 or 7, I had no idea why it would be that big of a deal to lose my wee wee. I mean, it's not like I could play ping pong or kick a soccer ball with it (har har, kick a ball with my balls). It only seemed useful for taking a piss. Even then, all the girls seemed to do fine without it.

Tomorrow I shall have a little chat with Papa Liu.

Work Musings

2007-06-07T23:41:00.001-04:00

An excerpt from a chatroom at work between my boss's boss's boss, the director, and a bunch of other coworkers. There's a candy bin at work usually well-stocked with chocolates and other goodies. They were joking about extending that concept to liquors, which led to a discussion about the different kinds of alcohols.

Director: oh, slivovitz
Director: yeah, I had some of that in bratislava I think
Director: terrible, as I recall
coworker1: ouzo should be banned from the modern world
Director: the first time I had a lebanese raw lamb dish in chicago, they made me drink the lebanese equivalent of ouzo with it
Director: it worked pretty well together, actually
Director: the next time I got it, though, I insisted on sticking with beer
coworker2: what was it called? hope not camel milk
Director: err
Director: unless camel milk is clear (slightly cloudy when chilled), tastes strongly of aniseed, and is about 2000% alcohol, then no, it wasn't camel milk
coworker2: it would be interesting to try this Ouzou
coworker2: not sure what will happen though
Director: is there a uk equivalent of everclear here?
Director: as close to pure alcohol as you can bottle
Director: just grab a handful of bertie bassets liquorice allsorts from the candy drawer, and wash them down with pure grain alcohol
Director: and you have an ouzo simulator
coworker2: ok I agree with MH, definately for a ban
coworker1: yes its very unpleasant, second only to raki
coworker1: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rak%C4%B1
coworker1: nuff said
coworker3: raki is awesome, you need to drink the good stuff
coworker3: similarly you can't let your impressions of whiskey be formed by the "imperial stag" brand
coworker3: i recommend tekirdag gold or something of similar calibre, and you need to mix it with the right amount of water
coworker1: like 30 gallons?
coworker4: some elderly holocaust survivors at the synagogue i grew up in used to drink 192 proof alcohol. they called it "ninety-six" (in yiddish, of course). after what they went through, they're entitled to abuse their livers all they want
Director: they were smart enough to skip the fruit brandies then
coworker4: oh, definitely
Director: and as I guy I used to work with observed, "there are a lot more old drunks than old doctors"
coworker4: ninety-six as in % alcohol, of course...
coworker5: Abstinence wont make you live forever, it will just feel like it.
coworker5: Anyway, in a few years if you blow out a liver, you'll be able to have a new one grown. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6727269.stm
coworker5: Probably not on the NHS though...
Director: why do you think I had kids?
Director: good supply of extra organs
coworker5: Yes, but that plan means you have to remember their birthdays and be nice to them.
Director: their mother covers those aspects
coworker5: But doesnt that mean she gets first call on the organs?
Director: I haven't mentioned the organ-donor plan to her yet
coworker5: I guess you could cover that by being nice to her, and remembering her birthday. That way, she could pursuade the kids...

If I Ever Get Rich....

2007-06-03T22:45:00.000-04:00

I would get:

A 50 million GBP diamond-encrusted skull

and

a kangal, the humongous Turkish shepherd dog that, legend has it, originated from a lion-dog pairing.

I Love My Niece

2007-05-11T20:25:00.000-04:00

My 3-year-old niece to her dad: "You are a human, I am a hu-lady!"

Bill Maher Rules

2007-05-08T23:37:00.000-04:00

New Rules:

"Now, last week, France had an election, and people over there approach an election differently. They vote. Eighty-five percent of them turned out. You couldn't get 85% of Americans to get off the couch if there was an election between "Tits" and "Bigger Tits," and they were handing out free samples!

Now, maybe the high turnout has something to do with the fact that the French candidates are never asked where they stand on evolution, prayer in school, abortion, stem cell research or gay marriage. And if the candidate knows about a character in a book other than Jesus, it's not a drawback.

The electorate doesn't vote for the guy they want to have a croissant with; nor do they care about private lives. In the current race, Ségolène Royal has four kids, but she never got married. And she's a Socialist. In America, if a Democrat even thinks you're calling him "liberal," he grabs an orange vest and a rifle and heads into the woods to kill something!

Madame Royal's opponent is married, but they live apart and lead separate lives. And the people are okay with that for the same reason they're okay with nude beaches; because they're not a nation of six-year-olds who scream and giggle if they see pee-pee parts!

They have weird ideas about privacy. They think it should be private. In France, even the mistresses have mistresses. To not have a lady on the side says to the voters, "I'm no good at multi-tasking."

Now, like any country, France has its faults, like all that ridiculous accordion music. But, their health care is the best in the industrialized world. As is their poverty rate. And they're completely independent of Mid East oil. And they're the greenest country. And they're not fat. And they have public intellectuals in France. We have Dr. Phil!

They invented sex during the day, lingerie and the tongue. Can't we admit we could learn something from them?

So, from now on, all you high-ranking Bush Administration officials, because the French are righter than you on most things, when France comes up in conversation, you are not allowed to roll your eyes. The only time you get to do that is when your hooker from Ms. Julia is blowing you."

Complete entry here.

New Aabservation

2007-04-29T01:58:00.000-04:00

My friend Liz just posted a new Aabservation on why Chinese people can stay thin eating Chinese food. Check it out here.

Gross Joke

2007-04-29T01:57:00.000-04:00

From Sachin:

Question: How do you know your roommate is gay?
Answer: His dick tastes like shit.

1000 Things To Do...

2007-04-18T00:41:00.000-04:00

Not sure if "playing squash against a rabbi" should be on my list, but I'm putting it on and crossing it off anyways.

Another Work Story

2007-04-11T00:11:00.000-04:00

While listening to NPR's "On the Media" podcast, I heard an interview with the author of the Left Behind book novels, which are set at a time when all the Christian believers ascend to Heaven during the Rapture, leaving behind the godless heathens to damnation. The interview brought a smile to my face because it totally reminded me of one of my former coworkers who joked about how she could make a killing by selling Rapture insurance plans to the gullible people who think they may be left behind.

CORRECTION: Come to think of it, the policy would actually be marked to gullible Christians who think their unreligious family members will be left behind.

Conversations

2007-04-10T23:11:00.000-04:00

Sister: I'm a woman, you are a girl
Niece: No! I'm a woman, YOU are a girl!

Later...

Niece: I'm a woman!
Brother-in-law: put on your diaper by yourself then, woman

Work Stories

2007-04-01T21:19:00.000-04:00

* My manager told us this story one day: "I was doing some stuff in the backyard on Saturday and let the dog out. He went crazy when he saw this squirrel running around in the backyard with a nut and chased it away. Then he paced back to the middle of the yard where the squirrel had dropped its nut, lifted one leg and pissed on it out of spite."

* About a months ago, I was on my way to a bar after work with a couple of coworkers and overheard them marveling at how difficult it is to fire people at the firm even when they are totally incompetent. That's awesome! was my first reaction because since I joined the firm in October I feel like I've finally found a home to really grow and advance my career after switch companies a couple of times previously. If it's hard to get rid of me, all the better :)

A month later, a girl sitting near me collected money from a bunch of us for an office lotto pool because of the $390 Million Mega Millions jackpot. My manager joked that if we win then no one will show up to work the next day. Of course everyone showed up the next day. Except her. My manager joked, "Maybe she bought an extra ticket we didn't know about." Another day passed and she still didn't show up.

Later I found out that she was laid off as part of a 5% workforce reduction at the firm. No, not that other firm in the news with the 5% layoff. Although I'm not too concerned about losing my job, it's still a jolting reminder that job security is not a guarantee for our generation.

"I Feel Pretty"

2007-03-18T20:36:00.000-04:00

So far I have been impressed by John Edwards in terms of his unequivocal stance on a host of issues, from affordable health care to eliminating poverty. I still found the following clip hilarious though:

Wacky Japanese At It Again

2007-03-17T00:44:00.000-04:00

How do they keep coming up with this kind of stuff? Dog helps monkey do sit ups:

Hilarious

2007-03-10T19:34:00.001-05:00

NYC Sucks Sometimes

2007-02-25T17:00:00.000-05:00

Reading this article makes me depressed:

"Dr. Carl Gerardi, a 39-year-old urologist in private practice in Manhattan and Westchester County, lives in a one-bedroom apartment in TriBeCa. But when the rent jumped late last year to $6,000 a month from $5,000, he decided that he had had enough."

Why anyone would pay that much money to live in Tribeca is beyond me. I hate that neighborhood more than any other because I was forced to work there for a year. There are only two types of restaurants there: deli's that charge $9 for a sandwich and Tribeca Grill/Megu/Nobu/Chanterelle-type places. The couple of cool bars that actually exist there, like M1-5 and The Other Room, are a pain in the ass to get to.

"For nine years, Candice Spielman, a 37-year old freelance television producer, lived in a rent-stabilized apartment on the Upper West Side that measured about 150 square feet if you count the sleeping loft she had built over her refrigerator and desk."

Soooo sad. I think I would go crazy if I had to live in a place like that for 9 years. It sounds like a prison cell.

"When Hans Heer, a 47-year-old general manager for the Food Emporium, moved to New York last April from Cologne, Germany, he planned to rent for a few years. He first moved into an $8,000-a-month furnished apartment on East 12th Street near Broadway. It was so infested with mice, he said, that he spent his nights trying to trap them in the closet. They always seemed to break out. He had mice “jumping around my bed,” he said."

No wonder those assholes charge $1/lb for bananas

One More

2007-02-22T22:59:00.000-05:00

Out with Joe and Sachin a week ago:

Me: Dude I'm going to stop drinking so much from now on. I'm such a jack ass when I get wasted. Last week I went out with Chil and Adrienne to hang out with Adrienne's coworker Alicia. Here's what I said to Alicia's friend Beth, who's black: "I know this may sound racist, but it's not and I hope you won't be offended. So I went to this Spike Lee movie screening a while back and during the Q&A session, whenever Spike said something that everyone agreed with, all the black ladies in the audience went, 'Uh Huh!' Why do they do that?" I don't remember what she said, but I think she just smiled politely. Why did I say that to her??? I'm such a dumb ass!!!

Joe: Uh huh.

Misc Quotes

2007-02-22T21:42:00.000-05:00

* My sister talking about my niece: "Cindy can be so difficult sometimes. She always says 'no' to everything we ask her, except 'Do you want some ice cream?'" Listening to her talk about that totally reminded me of this girl from my dorm senior year who said that when she was a kid her mom used to give her broccoli when she was good and made her eat ice cream when she was bad. So now she doesn't like to eat ice cream. Pretty fucked up, right?

* Last Friday night after coming out of the gym, I was totally ready to eat some take out food at home, change into my PJ's, catch up on my Time Out New York and Harper's reading, and then go to bed, but somehow ended up going out anyways. I went to my favorite neighborhood bar Failte, an Irish whiskey bar where the hot Thai bartender/aspiring pro billiard player hooks me up with free drinks from time to time. As I was making my way through a big crowd gyrating to some rock song I can't remember to get my coat, I somehow got caught in the middle and kept getting bumped around. In a moment of desperation, I yelled, "Coming through! Coming through! Civilian! Civilian! Civilian!" I heard some girly giggles followed by female drill sergeant barking voice: "AIN'T NO FUCKING CIVILIANS HERE!!"

* A couple of months ago, Adrienne's friend and her bf came over for dinner.

AF: You know there's this cosmetic procedure out there now called vaginoplasty, which is supposed to make your vagina look nicer. I don't understand the point. It's not like I'm going to get it done and then go on the street and lift up my skirt and say, "Hey everyone, check out my vagina!"

BF: Yeah, me either. Why can't they just figure out a way to make it smell better?

AF: You are NEVER going to touch me again!

BF: Wait, wait, I wasn't talking about you, honey.

AF: YOU THINK YOUR BALLS TASTE GREAT?!?!

* Chil: "Moog Moog Gary"

* Go here.

To Chil

2007-02-17T21:52:00.000-05:00

I've been listening to Nouvelle Vague a lot recently, especially their cover of Joy Division's "Love Will Tear Us Apart." I dedicate the following lyrics to Chil:

When the routine bites hard
And ambitions are low
And the resentment rides high
But emotions wont grow
And were changing our ways,
Taking different roads
Then love, love will tear us apart again

Why is the bedroom so cold
Turned away on your side?
Is my timing that flawed,
Our respect run so dry?
Yet theres still this appeal
That weve kept through our lives
Love, love will tear us apart again

Do you cry out in your sleep
All my failings expose?
Get a taste in my mouth
As desperation takes hold
Is it something so good
Just cant function no more?
When love, love will tear us apart again

Quote Of The Day

2007-02-13T21:16:00.001-05:00

Adrienne: "Chil, stop trying to sodomize Gary with a cucumber!"

Memories, sweet old memories

2007-02-11T23:54:00.000-05:00

me (10:37:55 PM): i thought you were going to bring d home
me (10:37:57 PM): or something
me (10:38:14 PM): cuz at one point you said to me, "the more i drink, the cuter she looks"
joe (10:38:18 PM): LOL
me (10:38:26 PM): i don't know if she heard that
joe (10:38:32 PM): no wonder
joe (10:38:40 PM): i felt like we were vibing
joe (10:38:41 PM): then
joe (10:38:45 PM): all the sudden, she was not so nice to me
joe (10:38:46 PM): lol
joe (10:39:00 PM): i always say stupid shit like that
joe (10:39:02 PM): im sucha dumbass
me (10:39:09 PM): haha
joe (10:39:11 PM): once i was drinkin with friends
joe (10:39:15 PM): and with this chick right next to me
joe (10:39:15 PM): i say
joe (10:39:23 PM): "man, that chick wears too much makeup, but i'd still fuck her"
joe (10:39:26 PM): she went
joe (10:39:29 PM): WHAT DID YOU SAY
joe (10:39:29 PM): lol

Nerd Humor

2007-02-04T00:51:00.000-05:00

Found among "Top 100 Quotes" from chat rooms.
<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...

<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?

<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

------
More goodness here.

One More

2007-01-29T00:46:00.001-05:00

Joe (12:41:52 AM): so sleepy now
Joe (12:41:59 AM): Had a biiig mexican meal
Joe (12:42:04 AM): I see why they're so lazy

Quotes

2007-01-28T23:34:00.000-05:00

At the Kaki King/Vienna Teng/Hem show at the Bowery Ballroom about a week ago...

Me: Man, I want a harp. It's kinda cool.
Leslie: Yeah, it's magical in a way.
Me: Maybe if I learned to play one, it'll be my key to a woman's heart.
Leslie: I said "magical," not "miracle"!

On a dinner date...

She: I had a menage a troi the other day
Me [almost spit out the water I was drinking]: really?
She: Yeah, it was a blend of Merlot, Cabernet...
Me: Oh

Pictures

2007-01-27T16:37:00.000-05:00

Dad sent me this link to a web page showing pictures of Chinese folks trying to get home for Chinese New Year's. These trains certainly put "overcrowding" on the Metro North to shame.

Haha

2007-01-26T18:58:00.000-05:00

Seriously screwed up.

Awesome Possum

2007-01-16T00:31:00.000-05:00

I don't know who Aries Spears is, but he's amazing in this clip.

A tip

2007-01-03T23:23:00.000-05:00

Two Songs

2006-12-14T00:01:00.000-05:00

Heard a terrible duet cover of "One" at the Health & Racquet Club today, so of course I had to listen to the original. It toally reminded me of why Achtung Baby is still one of my favorite albums of all time. In fact, Achtung Baby is one of the first CD's I've ever owned. I got it as part of a big order from BMG, taking advantage of their fabled buy one get two hundred billion free promotion. Come to think of it, that same order also included Joey Lawrence's (of TV'S "Blossom" "whoa!" fame) first, and I believe, last album. I have my sister to blame for that pick. Or at least I think she ordered it. The alternative explanation would be too embarassing to contemplate.

"One" - U2

Is it getting better, or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you, now you got someone to blame?
You say one love, one life, when it's one need in the night.
One love, we get to share it
Leaves you baby if you don't care for it.

Did I disappoint you or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love and you want me to go without.
Well, it's too late tonight to drag the past out into the light.
We're one, but we're not the same.
We get to carry each other, carry each other... one

Have you come here for forgiveness,
Have you come to raise the dead
Have you come here to play Jesus to the lepers in your head
Did I ask too much, more than a lot
You gave me nothing, now it's all I got.
We're one, but we're not the same.
Well, we hurt each other, then we do it again.

You say love is a temple, love a higher law
Love is a temple, love the higher law.
You ask me to enter, but then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on to what you got, when all you got is hurt.

One love, one blood, one life, you got to do what you should.
One life with each other: sisters, brothers.
One life, but we're not the same.
We get to carry each other, carry each other.
One, one.

Here's a new fave

"Little Death" -- +44

Please sleep, my darling, sleep
Your cry for inspiration
Never reaches ears on distant stars
And every night our lonely planet
Slides across the universe
and I won't pretend I understand.

Please sleep, my darling, sleep
Your death by information
Won't disturb the peace on distant stars
And even when you lock the door
Slide behind the unlit shades
None of us are strangers anymore.

Fall asleep with the windows open
Come to me with the worst you've said and done
you'll close your eyes and see me
a little death makes life more meaningful
I stand no chance at all.

Please, sleep my darling, sleep
Your car crash in slow motion
Won't upset the pace on distant stars
And one by one the years
are all I've stumbled as the moments pass
So please hold on, please hold on...

Fall asleep with the windows open
Come to me with the worst you've said and done
you'll close your eyes and see me
a little death makes life more meaningful
I stand no chance at all.

Page Turner

2006-12-13T00:39:00.000-05:00

"I pick up lots of good lines at prayer meetings. I asked Amy, I whispered to her, how she'd like to have a little manna on her honey. And she turned red, and kicked me on the ankle. I whispered to her again, asked her if I could Mose-y into her Burning Bush. I told her I was going to take her to my bosom and cleave unto her, and anoint her with precious oils."

-- Jim Thompson, The Killer Inside Me, 1952

The above excerpt is pretty much the only light-hearted moment in the entire book, which may be the most disturbing work of fiction I have ever read, and one of only a handful of books that I've read from start to finish in one sitting.

Highly recommended.

I never liked any of Stanley Kubrick's movies, but I have to agree with him on this one: "Probably the most chilling and believable first-person story of a criminally warped mind I have ever encountered."

One More Reason...

2006-12-11T01:12:00.000-05:00

That Tina Fey is one hot mama: Paris Hilton "is a piece of shit."

Datarock

2006-12-11T00:25:00.000-05:00

This afternoon I was walking home in a really pissy mood because earlier at the gym I couldn't find my bloody locker and discovered that I had forgotten to put the lock on the damn thing AFTER asking the gym manager to clip two other locks! One of them belongs to a trainer who works there. So great, now I have some beefy trainer pissed at me.

Anyways, I felt a lot better after listening to some Datarock, a quirky Norwegian outfit I discovered recently. "Fa-fa-fa" is definitely one of the most upbeat and fun songs I've heard in a while. I laughed out loud when "Computer Camp Love" came on. How could you not love a song with lyrics like these?

I ran into her on computer camp
(Was that in 84?)
Not sure
I had my commodore 64
Had to score
(Not with that dirty tramp)
She’s not a tramp
Her name is Judy
(That’s a nice name)
Yeah she’s a nice girl
(Big deal. Did you get in her pants?)
She’s not that kind of a girl, booger
(Why, does she have a penis?)
Seen as supremus
You better know she’s a genus and a Venus
(Tell me more; was it love at first sight?)
That’s right this was god-given grace with a face you could praise
(Tell me more; did you put up a fight?)
I don’t think so, but before we tour [tore?] the chorus stall let’s all explore a more a
(Computer cabin war)
That's right
I said before we explore the amore on my story do a dora
(Computer cabin war)
Seen as supremus
You better know she’s a genus and a Venus
(Tell me more; was it love at first sight?)
That’s right this was god-given grace with a face you could praise
(Tell me more; did you put up a fight?)
I ran into her on computer camp
(Computer cabin war)
Hard core
It started like a boar ending up on the floor
(Come on now tell me more)
Seen as supremus
You better know she’s a genus and a Venus
(Tell me more; was it love at first sight?)
That’s right this was god-given grace with a face you could praise
(Tell me more; did you put up a fight?)

Highway Robbery

2006-12-11T00:08:00.000-05:00

I finally went to the grocery store today to buy some yummy fruits because the heat is on full blast at the apartment now that winter is finally here, which leads to chapped lips and dry throat for me. The prices at the Food Emporium a block away were so outrageous I started cursing at the produce. I mean, $3.50 for ONE bloody persimmon??? $10 for a 4-lb watermelon? I actually said "fuck you" to the banana stand when I saw the sorriest looking bunch of bananas going for A WHOLE FUCKING DOLLAR PER POUND!?!? I could shit better looking bananas than these squished, half-brown excuses for a banana.

Then I picked up a liter and a half bottle of Diet Coke for Chil, who definitely didn't appreciate my suggestion of sticking to fat-free water and questioned my preference for greasy Chinese food, in addition to suggesting that I purchase a vagina at the local drug store. Hey, I'm not the one who's 40 pounds overweight, that's all I'm saying.

I'm only 20 pounds overweight.

Go See Ron Mueck!!!!

2006-12-10T23:34:00.000-05:00

On Saturday I went to the Brooklyn Museum to check out the Annie Leibovitz exhibit with Sachin. As usual my company ID got us in for free, which I guess is at least one benefit of working for a soul-less corporate America. I went for Annie Leibovitz, but was totally blown away by the sculptures of Ron Mueck. They are the most impressive artistic achievements I've encountered since seeing Michelangelo's David at the Accademia in Florence. My jaw hit the floor: "My mind's been blown, " I kept telling Sachin.

These are the most realistic and powerful representations of human beings I've ever seen (except for the whole different scale thing, I guess). They seem more human than most people I encounter on the streets every day. The details are so painstakingly accurate, every hair (some gray, some dark, some graying), freckle, mole, wrinkle, eye lash, vein, nail is there. I felt overwhelmed with emotions as I watched these naked, vulnerable souls who seemed lost in lonelieness and melancholy. I felt really sad not just because I was sympathetic towards the statues' sorrows but also because I felt that I will never be as accomplished as Mueck at anything I do in life. Ok, maybe at whistling, because I kick ass at whistling. The other night when I was with Sachin, Leslie and Adrienne at a taco place, I started whistling along to "Wind of Change," that awesome Scorpions song that was being played at the taco shack.

Anyways, go visit the Brooklyn Museum before the Mueck exhibit ends on 2/7/07. I think it's the most powerful and moving exhibit I've ever visited.

Ain't Technology Grand

2006-12-06T02:03:00.000-05:00

My sister and my niece left a precious voicemail message for me that I was able to save as an mp3 through GotVoice.com. Now I can listen to it on my iPod whenever I could use a lift because it totally brightens my day.

Cheers.

Big Punisher

2006-11-30T22:55:00.000-05:00

Last Friday, I finally went to a driving range with Sachin when we were in CT for Thanksgiving. It was my first time ever hitting a golf ball with a real club, as opposed to just putting the ball during a mini-golf game. It was surprisingly fun whacking those golf balls as far as I could. I felt like Happy Gilmore at times crushing those little balls. The majority of the balls ended up shooting into the distance beyond 200 yards, with quite a few going beyond the 250-yard sign. I also came close to hitting some construction trucks operating near the course when some balls actually went over the tall nets on the side of the course meant to keep the balls in.

Even Sachin was impressed. However, he wasn't as impressed when my inital practice swing came within a few inches of his face: "Dude, what the fuck!! What the fuck!!" Haha.

Alas, I definitely have to work more on my accuracy as I also hit a few horrible shots that thankfully were blocked by the side nets from killing the people near to me.

I don't think I will ever try to play a full round of golf though, mostly because it takes so long and I don't think I will get as much of a work out playing golf as, saying, playing squash. Also, I don't want to spend the money to buy a full set of clubs. I feel like my life is so nomadic now that I shouldn't buy something that will be a pain in the ass come moving time.

Here's a joke that I remembered hearing in high school as I was swinging for the fences:

What is the world's worst golf foursome?

O.J. Simpson, Heidi Fleiss, Susan Smith, and Greg Louganis

    O.J. is always slicing
    Heidi is always hooking
    Susan Smith is always in the water
    Greg Louganis is always in the wrong hole

Yet Another Reason to Like My New Job

2006-11-30T22:38:00.000-05:00

In dev team chat room:

Coworker 1: So did London and NY have a vid conf without us?
Coworker 2: I think they went ahead with it
Coworker 3: Yes, we did. There was some kind of a problem with the voice-only dialin number.
Coworker 3: Basically the outcome was that everybody not on the call would have to buy drinks for those of us on the video call.
Coworker 3: At least that's what my notes say.
Executive Director (ED): yes
ED: that was the agreement

Email from ED:

hi [Newbie]--

Welcome to the team! Team tradition is that the newest member buys all the drinks. We may have forgotten to mention that during the interview process.

Meat Overdose

2006-11-22T22:27:00.000-05:00

Tonight, after I picked up tickets for the 1/20 Kaki King/Hem/Vienna Teng show at the Bowery, my favorite concert venue here, I stopped at Katz's Deli a block away for dinner. I had a HUGE salami sandwich with a full plate of pickles while sitting next to the table with the famous sign: "Where Harry met Sally...hope you have what she had!" Hell, if Sally had what *I* had, she would be shitting a cow, instead of moaning with pleasure.

I can't believe I survived that sandwich. It was a vegetarian's worst nightmare. I counted exactly 18 layers of salami that I had to work methodically through. Even I felt like begging for mercy as I endured the last few salty bites. A lesser carnivore would have thrown up all over the framed pictures of celebrity diners hung on the wall of fame, which proudly displayed smiling mugs of such luminaries as Bill Clinton, Dr. Joyce Brothers, and Goldberg the first Jewish pro wrestler. A lot of the credit has to go to the excellent Katz's Ale, which helped wash down all that cured goodness, although it did have a smoky Guinness-like aftertaste, of which I'm not exactly a fan.

I ended up spending a little more than $20 on the sandwich and beer, as well as a tip for the old, gruff butcher that gave me 8 slices of salami to taste while he was working on my ridiculous sandwich. I spent more than I wanted to spend on dinner, but I definitely got my money's worth.

Spam Hell

2006-11-20T23:21:00.000-05:00

Lately I have been besieged by an absurd amount of snail mail spam from a host of progressive/liberal organizations, such as the Sierra Club, Planned Parenthood, the ACLU, UNICEF, Red Cross, etc. I even got a "personal letter" from Robert Redford about some environment stuff that I tossed in the trash without reading. Every letter warns about some super dire crisis that will destroy democracy/personal liberty/the environment/a woman's right to choose/blah blah blah if I don't donate $25 or more. I must seem like some big liberal philanthropist to anyone who sees my daily barrage of liberal junk mail. I guess I probably brought this on to myself by subscribing to Harper's, donating money to UNICEF, donating money to the DNC, and becoming an ACLU member.

While I threw away most of the junk mail I got, I did keep one piece because it's the funniest junk mail I've ever received. It's "The Most Important Gift Catalog in the World" from Heifer International and has a picture of a sheep on the cover. Basically, you donate money to this charity to purchase livestock for people in developing countries. It doesn't sound all that funny until one sees the pictures of the children and villagers hugging/craddling/petting/riding/herding their donated sheep/bunnies/piglets/llamas/water buffaloes, all accompanied by informative text explaining the importance of each animal to the recipient, such as this quote from 60 Minutes: "With all the money donated to help fight famine around the world, with all the grandiose plans conceived to conquer poverty, sometimes all it takes to save a child is a goat." There's even a picture of some poor orphan from Armenia "with one of her hives of Heifer International honeybees. She says she likes beekeeping because, 'it may not be physically difficult to raise bees, but you must be clever'."

The prices vary according to the animal donated, ranging from $20 for a flock of chicks to $5000 for a "Gift Ark," which consists of 2 cows, 2 oxens, 2 beehives, 2 sheep, 2 water buffaloes, 2 goats, 2 camels, 2 llamas, 2 donkeys, 2 trios of ducks, 2 trios of Guinea Pigs, 2 pigs, 2 trios of rabbits, 2 blocks of geese and 2 flocks of chicks. While I applaud Heifer's creative way of tackling poverty and hunger, I just can't take this catalog seriously because it makes me laugh every time I see the sheep on the cover under the "The Most Important Gift Catalog in the World" heading.

Those of you who CAN take it seriously, donate!!

I Know What I Want for Christmas

2006-10-28T22:50:00.000-04:00

"Every Day Above Ground Is A Good One."

New Rules

2006-10-22T14:55:00.000-04:00

Recommended Book

2006-10-13T00:43:00.000-04:00

At Liz's suggestion, I've been reading Bobos In Paradise: The New Upper Class and How They Got There a hilarious and insightful book about the Bourgeois Bohemians (bobos). I won't waste time summarizing the book. Here's an excerpt (so true so true):

Workers in this spiritualized world of Bobo capitalism are not the heroes of toil. They are creators. They noodle around and experiment and dream. They seek to explore and then surpass the full limits of their capacities. And if a company begins to bore or stifle them, they're gone. It is the ultimate sign of privilege -- to be able to hit the road in search of new meaning whenever that little moth of tedium flies in the door. Self-cultivation is the imperative. With the emphasis on self.

So this isn't a crass and vulgar selfishness, about narrow self-interest or mindless accumulation. This is a higher selfishness. It's about making sure you get the most out of yourself, which means putting yourself in a job that is spiritually fulfilling, socially constructive, experientially diverse, emotionally enriching, self-esteem boosting, perpetually challenging, and eternally edifying. It's about learning. It's about working for a company as cool as you are. It's about finding an organization that can meet your creative and spiritual needs. When Anne Sweeney contemplated taking over the presidency of the Disney Channel, she didn't think in resume or financial terms. She asked herself, "Would this job make my heart sing?" and she decided yes. The PR firm Porter Novelli doesn't recruit employees with appeals to crass self-interest. Instead, it runs ads in various magazines showing a young woman in jeans sitting on a rocky beach. The copy asks, "What do you want?" The answer, expressed in the woman's voice, is this:

"I want to write my own ticket. High tech is a wide-open field. I'm helping to create public relations programs for companies that are on the leading edge of software development. What I'm learning is making one fabulous career. I want to hit the beach. I grew up on the West Coast. The ocean has always been my second home. Whenever I need to think things through, this is where I come. I want to keep climbing. Each year, my role gets bigger. My managers support my growth with professional development and mentoring programs. It's like being back in college. I want to go to Africa. Next year, I hope. (Incidentally, our health insurance plan is great.) I want to be my best. If there's a limit to what I'm capable of achieving, I'm not sure where it is or when I'll reach it. Never, I hope.

This is Bobo capitalism in a nutshell. College, learning, growth, travel, climbing, self-discovery. It's all there. And it's all punctuated with that little word "I," which appears in that short paragraph 15 times. The Organization Man is turned upside down. Whyte described a social ethos that put the group first. The current ethos puts "me" first.

Work thus becomes a vocation, a calling, a metier. And the weird thing is that when employees start thinking like artists and activists, they actually work harder for the company. In the 1960s most social theorists assumed that as we got richer, we would work less and less. But if work is a form of self-expression or a social mission, then you never want to stop. You are driven by a relentless urge to grow, to learn, to feel more alive. Executives who dreamed of turning themselves into refined gentlemen may have valued leisure, but executives who aspire to be artists value work. Companies learn that Bobos will knock themselves out if they think they are doing it for their spiritual selves, for their intellectual development. Lee Clow is chairman of the advertising firm TBWA Worldwide. He has established a set of work expectations that would have led to strikes decades ago. Now they are considered enlightened. "It's a rare weekend in this agency when you won't find people at work," he told the Wall Street Journal a few years ago. "Sometimes I'm asked what I say to people to get them to work on Saturday and Sunday. We don't say anything. But our creative people know what we expect from them. They know they'll have a chance in this big sandbox. It's designed to be a stimulating place, a fun place, an interactive place, a social place." Don't dare call it a sweatshop. It's a sandbox! This isn't business. This is play!

I think I'm in Love...

2006-10-13T00:30:00.000-04:00

with Kaki King. I was obsessed with her "Until We Felt Red" album while cruising around in California a couple of weeks ago. Check out her beautiful, ethereal music.

One More Quote

2006-10-08T18:53:00.000-04:00

[SriniBaller and I were lamenting the sad state of the Stanford football team, still winless this season]

Me: How much did you pay for your [season] pass?
SriniBaller: $250
Me:Damn, that's a lot!
SriniBaller: I know. I feel masochistic going to these games. If I had bought an XBox and a couple of games and flushed them down the toilet, I probably would have gotten the same level of enjoyment.

More Quotes

2006-10-08T16:46:00.000-04:00

Me: Remember how you were drinking all those protein shakes when we were in Branner?
Srinivas (aka SriniBaller): Yeah, I was trying to be buff so people would be scared of me. Now I can just grow a beard and yell, "Jihad!"

[Upon entering Tolu's new crib]
Tolu: You don't have to take off your shoes. I'm not Asian.

[At the super fancy Cheesecake Factory in Palo Alto, where I was trying to take pictures of the interior]
Tolu/SriniBaller/Allen/Joe: Stop acting like a tourist. This is a chain and they have franchises everywhere, INCLUDING New York!
Me: Ok, maybe I should not take pictures of you guys since I have friends in New York too

Quips of the Day

2006-10-01T05:02:00.000-04:00

Me: I had donkey meat when I was in China.
Caroline: Did it taste like ass?

Caroline wanted to leave beach volleyball class early one day.
Instructor: If you leave before the class ends, it would be like stopping during foreplay.
Caroline: Yeah, but that means I will want it more next time.

They are here

2006-09-28T06:14:00.000-04:00

Check them out here. I take no responsibility for any misspellings or grammatical errors since it's 3 freaking AM now. Enjoy.

China Hilarity

2006-09-21T03:20:00.000-04:00

Three things:

1.) A sign for a clothing store in the Barkor.

2.) Pictures from an article in the Beijing Evening News regarding the German student who jumped into the terra cotta warrior pit in Xi An.

3.) Scan of a brochure we got near Everest Base Camp identifying the animals in the "Nataure Preserve." Check out the wild asses and snow "lzopord." We had the good fortune to see some "blue sheep," but they looked neither "blue" nor "sheep"-like.

I seriously should open an English copy-editing business in China. I've seen SO many misspellings and grammatical errors on my trip and I'm not just talking about counterfeit name brand clothing either.

And yes yes yes, the photos are coming soon.

I'm back

2006-09-19T00:38:00.000-04:00

And it feels good to be home.

Hello From Lhasa

2006-08-30T06:38:00.000-04:00

Apparently, blogspot is not blogged from China at all, unlike 3 years ago when I last came here.

Anyways, here are some updates. I spent a day in Beijing on 8/28 to rest a little before hopping on a plane to Lhasa on the 29th. Althought I thought 8/28 would be just a day for resting, I actually ended up doing a few interesting things. First I had lunch with my friend Yang Yang and some of her friends at a restaurant that specialized in Yunnan cuisine. This restaurant was so posh and trendy it wouldn't seem out of place in New York. I had some rice wine out of a bamboo! I didn't really like the food very much at this place though.

One thing I've discovered since arriving this time is that there are some really really rich people here. Yang Yang, for example, is an interior designer working on redesigning parts of the Chinese Embassy in Cambodia. The cost of her design, including all artworks and furniture, is 1.9 million Yuan (which at the current exchange rate of 8 yuan to a dollar comes out to be about $238K). She owns and drives a Fiat and lives in a posh 2BR condo with her husband that costs as much as a lot of houses in the US. One of her friends, a really cool photographer whom I had met recently when he came to New York to exhibit his work at a SoHo gallery, just bought a Hummer as well as a new digital camera that costs 300,000 yuan, or $37,500! At lunch we met up with this photographer chick who's currently married to some Chinese rock star whose first wife was Wong Faye, a really really well-known Hong Kong pop star that I was like in love with after seeing her in "Chungking Express" and "2046," two of Wong Kar Wai's masterpieces. Unfortunately, the second wife is nowhere nearly as hot as the first. Sigh. Anyways, she told everyone she has a friend that just bought a nice place and is looking for new furniture. The dude is thinking about spending 200,000 yuan, which comes out to be $25,000, which is more than my parents spent on their furniture after they bought their house. For the sake of comparison, the security guards working at Yang Yang's condo building make 400 yuan a month.

I can still remember the time when I was in elementary, when it took me several months to save up 5 yuan to buy a really cool pair of sunglasses. At that time, my parents each made about 100 yuan a month. Well, our lunch at this restaurant came out to be 160 yuan for 3 people. It's insane, I tell you. Maybe I should move to China and see if there are any opportunities for me to make a shitload of money too.

Later that night, I met up with Jingfeng, who's my brother-in-law's brother, and his girlfriend. The last time I came to Beijing, he took me to the coolest neighborhood and showed me around a bunch of interesting bars, including one called Nashville, which had some Australian dude singing Sting classics such as "Message in a Bottle." Anyways, this time he took me to the new hip area called Hou Hai (Back of the Sea). On the way to the restaurant, we bumped into this guy on the street who was making what seemed like cool animal-shaped candy by blowing on this ultra malleable chocolate-colored mix. He asked for my zodiac animal, which is monkey, and then proceeded to blow a horse (ok, I know that doesn't sound quite right, but oh well). I asked him why he had blown a horse when I told him I was a monkey (ok, even I'm laughing at the previous sentence now, which I hope will never be taken out of the current context). He said he will blow a monkey next so it could ride the horse. At this point, I was pretty disappointed in the horse, because it didn't quite look like a horse with the disproportional front hoofs and the oddly shaped body. But I told him to go on anyways. The monkey resembled the real thing even less. In fact, it was bigger than the horse. Jingfeng totally bashed the artistic merit of the animals, but I felt like the guy, who looked pretty shabby, deserved 5 yuan at least for his 10 minutes of effort. After this fiasco, we had awesome food at this great rustic looking restaurant by the lake (the sea in the name is just to impress) and 4 beers. Although each chinese beer is only 3% alcohol, the bottles are about 3 times the size of the American bottles. Jingfeng told me all about this crazy drinking is mandatory to do business with the government in China. I don't know how much he was exaggerating, but it sounded pretty scary. He was once told by a government official to drink a whole bottle of 80 proof liquor before he could sign the contract with them. Apparently, the willingness to get shit-faced in front of your client is proof of your sincerity. Jingfeng couldn't explain the logic of this rationale either. According to him, Salespeople working for pri

Yakety Yak

2006-08-26T12:19:00.000-04:00

I'm trying to think what I should say before heading out to the airport in 5 minutes. I always get a little anxious before a trip, starting with my first elementary school field trip when I was like 6 years old. Some things never change, I guess. Anyways, I'll be in Tibet for almost 2 weeks, which will hopefully be as amazing as I'm imaging it to be. After that I'll be in my hometown visiting relatives. Then I'll return to my soul crushing corporate job. Yay. Unfortuntately, I won't be able to blog from China so this will be my last post in a while.

Finally, the number one goal for this trip is to ride a yak. All the rest is just gravy.

A Mystery

2006-08-23T20:04:00.000-04:00

Hmm, for some reason I just don't feel concerned about those kidnapped Fox News journalists.

Huh?

2006-08-23T00:52:00.000-04:00

Another Tibet gem from LPT: "You are allowed to import a maximum of 72 rolls of film. It's also officially forbidden to bring more than 20 pieces of underwear into the PRC* (we kid you not)"

*PRC=People's Republic of China

The G-Log

Cattelan at the Guggenheim is awesome!

More guggs

Guggenheim

Wanaka, West Coast, Pancake Rocks, and Auckland

Fox and Franz Josef Glaciers

Chuang yen monastery and Croton Dam

New Zealand - Milford Sound and Te Anau

Cairns

Sydney

NZ pictures - Milford Sound to Lake Wanaka

Bungee pics!

First day in Sydney

Congratulations to Missy and Yan!!

No More Group Deals on Food/Drinks

Don't mess w the owners

Triples

Riding shotgun for realz

Blueberry pancakes at Jeannie's!

Lobster in Maine. Mmmmmm

Jordan Pond - Acadia National Park

Jordan Pond - Acadia National Park

Jimmy's No 43

Outside St. Bart's

Nothing beats Governor's Island

More High Line 2

High Line part 2: best sequel of the year

This is why I hate people on Craig's List

Yet another busted shirt, need to stop flexing so much

I need to start a S***t My Niece Says Twitter feed

The Heineken Inspire Show with Cee Lo Green, Nas, J. Cole, and Diplo

Angkor Wat

Shanghai Apt pics

The Eagle Has Landed

Thoughts from Central Europe

Panda Mania

Booyakasha!

Amateur Hour

Three Generations

Workplace Tomfoolery

Just When You Think It Can't Get Any Worse

An IM conversation

Yay

Is It Me...

Great Random Moments in Gliu's Life

Thug Passion

Superman Jokes

iTouche

The Legend Continues...

Work Musings

If I Ever Get Rich....

I Love My Niece

Bill Maher Rules

More Work Stories

New Aabservation

Gross Joke

1000 Things To Do...

Another Work Story

Conversations

Work Stories

"I Feel Pretty"

Wacky Japanese At It Again

Hilarious

NYC Sucks Sometimes

One More

Misc Quotes

To Chil

Quote Of The Day

Memories, sweet old memories

Nerd Humor

One More

Quotes

Pictures

Haha

Awesome Possum

A tip

Two Songs

Page Turner

One More Reason...

Datarock