Saturday, June 09, 2007

The Legend Continues...

A week ago I was hanging out at Caliente Cab, the Mexican bar/restaurant down the street from the apartment, with Adrienne and the gang, when we started talking about the childhood bogeyman with which our parents used to scare us into obedience. I no longer remember what everyone else said because I was no longer lucid at that point, or maybe it just shows how self-absorbed I am. Anyways, I somehow managed to uncover a gem of a childhood memory from way back when.

Here it goes: When I was a kid, my dad used to scare me by telling me that if I didn't behave, Ge Niu Lao Han would come to get me. For those of you not conversant in Mandarin Chinese, Ge Niu Lao Han means literally, Cut Pee Pee Old Man. So, according to Dad, if I am a bad little boy, this old man would come for me, and more specifically, my pee pee. To show he means business, this old dude carries around with him a huge fucking bag (ok, Dad didn't exactly put it that way, but you get the gist) filled with pee pees from bad little boys who didn't listen to their parents.

I don't quite remember my reaction to this story anymore. I don't even think I was that scared, even though looking back now the whole thing is disturbing on so many different levels. To start, what kind of fucked up parents would tell their kids about some old lunatic roaming the night looking for little boys' penises to cut off? And what is he going to do with his big bag of kiddo penises anyways? Sicko!

I don't think the story was that effective at scaring me because at age 6 or 7, I had no idea why it would be that big of a deal to lose my wee wee. I mean, it's not like I could play ping pong or kick a soccer ball with it (har har, kick a ball with my balls). It only seemed useful for taking a piss. Even then, all the girls seemed to do fine without it.

Tomorrow I shall have a little chat with Papa Liu.