The Gfunk All-Bad Ass Team

As I was enduring my one-hour commute on the way to work today, my mind began to wander as usual. One thing led to another, and before I knew it, I was compiling a list of guys that kick so much ass, I want to be like them. No, make that I want to BE them. These guys have bad-assness coursing through their veins and will still be bad asses when they are senile and wearing Depends.

• Christopher Walken -- no one else is as effective at making you laugh and scaring the shit out of you at the same time.


• George Klooney -- one word, "cool"


• Kevin Spacey -- the epitome of cynicism, capable of making you laugh before realizing that he's making fun of you.


• Jack Nicholson -- the grandfather in this group, the original Bad Ass.


• Chow Yun-Fat -- always double fisted, and always ready to put some holes in you with a smile; the Emperor of Asian cinema, the Titan of cool. Let's not bring up Bullet-Proof Monk, ok?


• Yao Ming -- as comfortable shooting a turn-around fade-away J as he is at slamming it down, a capable complement to his bro


• Robert Deniro and Al Pacino -- the ultimate ass-kicking Italian stallions; each deserves his own entry, but when put together their bad ass quotient shoots through the roof, pierces the ozone layer and obliterates any incoming asteroids.


• Bill Clinton -- may have questionable ethics, but still the finest president in the 13 years I have lived in this country, although that's not saying much; here's to hoping that a ballsy Democrat or Green (yeah yeah pigs will fly) will rise up and replace this buffoon

There you have it. Stay tuned for the Gfunk All-Lamers list, which may or may not be conceived on the ride back home tonight