The Odyssey
Two days ago, I came back from work to find FOUR UPS slips on my door. Apparently, they had tried to deliver two packages 3 times each already and since I wasn't at home and my neighbors weren't there to receive them (maybe they are just pissed off at me for my loud stereo), I would have to go to the nearest UPS branch to retrieve them. The problem was that this UPS location opens from 9 to 5 and is pretty far from where I live, far being a little more than 5 miles, which is like 30 miles in California if the time it takes to cover that distance in NY is taken into consideration. The distance and early closing hours basically ruled out retrieval before or after work. I looked at the subway map and found a station 1.8 miles away from the UPS place. I figured I could just go there next day during lunch and pick up the packages since i will probably be able to find a cab after I get off the train or take a bus. What a big mistake.
After I got off the train, I only saw one cab. The guy told me he was going into Manhattan. I pleaded with him, "It's less than 2 miles from here! It's in Maspeth, which is really close to here." He said, "I know, I live there." So I bantered with him a little bit more and he left. The bus runs once every 30 minutes, which wouldn't have helped me either. I thought 1.8 miles is not that bad, I can just walk. Mistake #2.
I walked and walked and walked. During the second half of my journey, I felt like I wasn't even in New York anymore. There was hardly any pedestrians on the road. I was surrounded by random warehouses and 18-wheelers. At one point I walked past the city's Dept. of Sanitation, I think. There was a huge landfill next to the road. Good thing it was walled in. I felt pretty tired and sweaty and I was totally lost. That place was almost like a maze. I had a Yahoo map print out and I still couldn't figure out how to find the damn UPS branch. I think I could begin to appreciate how the Jews felt while they wandered in the desert for 40 years.
Then an adult video store popped up out of nowhere like an oasis. An oasis for directions that is. I don't have anything against porn shops, but I had to smile at the absurdity of finding one in an armpit place such as this. I walked in and was soon surrounded by racks and racks of porn videos. I cracked up a little bit before talking to the tall, middle-aged black man behind the counter. After he was nice enough to give me directions, I hurried out of the place.
Just after I stepped out of the store, I heard the melody coming from an ice cream truck. My situation had just turned from absurd to surreal. I thought I must be in another one of my weird dreams. There was no way I could be standing in such a desolate place in the middle of NYC, having just come out of a porn shop and then witnessing, of all things, an ice cream truck slowly making its way toward me on a deserted street. It defied logic. Unfortunately, it WAS real and I couldn't just wake up, so I soldiered on.
When I finally walked up to the UPS counter, I was told that I couldn't claim the Dell package because I did not have a NYC photo ID with an address that matched the one on the package. I pleaded with the guy, telling him that I only recently moved to here from CA and therefore did not have a NYC ID, and that I walked 2 miles to get here. He just said, "I'm sorry but that's our policy: The computer companies require people with proper ID." I told him that there's nothing valuable in the package other than a bunch of worthless CDR's. (I had ordered the CDR's as fillers in order to use a Dell coupon, which had a minimum purchase requirement, to buy my iPod. Dell shipped them out separately.) Luckily, Citizen didn't have such a strict requirement, so I was able to pick up my watch, which I had sent in a few weeks ago for repair. Then I find out that this branch actually doesn't close until 7 pm, which means I could have come here after work!! Oh well, at least they were nice enough to point me to a subway station that's marginally closer than the one from which I arrived.
On my way to this station, I was startled by a big, mean guard dog, who barked furiously at me and clawed mightily at the fence while I walked past him. Although I've never done so, now I can kind of understand why some Chinese people eat dogs. When I finally got on the train, I managed to doze off past my stop.
So, in conclusion, yesterday I walked almost 4 miles, picked up only one package and then found out that I could have just driven there after work. What a day.
Two days ago, I came back from work to find FOUR UPS slips on my door. Apparently, they had tried to deliver two packages 3 times each already and since I wasn't at home and my neighbors weren't there to receive them (maybe they are just pissed off at me for my loud stereo), I would have to go to the nearest UPS branch to retrieve them. The problem was that this UPS location opens from 9 to 5 and is pretty far from where I live, far being a little more than 5 miles, which is like 30 miles in California if the time it takes to cover that distance in NY is taken into consideration. The distance and early closing hours basically ruled out retrieval before or after work. I looked at the subway map and found a station 1.8 miles away from the UPS place. I figured I could just go there next day during lunch and pick up the packages since i will probably be able to find a cab after I get off the train or take a bus. What a big mistake.
After I got off the train, I only saw one cab. The guy told me he was going into Manhattan. I pleaded with him, "It's less than 2 miles from here! It's in Maspeth, which is really close to here." He said, "I know, I live there." So I bantered with him a little bit more and he left. The bus runs once every 30 minutes, which wouldn't have helped me either. I thought 1.8 miles is not that bad, I can just walk. Mistake #2.
I walked and walked and walked. During the second half of my journey, I felt like I wasn't even in New York anymore. There was hardly any pedestrians on the road. I was surrounded by random warehouses and 18-wheelers. At one point I walked past the city's Dept. of Sanitation, I think. There was a huge landfill next to the road. Good thing it was walled in. I felt pretty tired and sweaty and I was totally lost. That place was almost like a maze. I had a Yahoo map print out and I still couldn't figure out how to find the damn UPS branch. I think I could begin to appreciate how the Jews felt while they wandered in the desert for 40 years.
Then an adult video store popped up out of nowhere like an oasis. An oasis for directions that is. I don't have anything against porn shops, but I had to smile at the absurdity of finding one in an armpit place such as this. I walked in and was soon surrounded by racks and racks of porn videos. I cracked up a little bit before talking to the tall, middle-aged black man behind the counter. After he was nice enough to give me directions, I hurried out of the place.
Just after I stepped out of the store, I heard the melody coming from an ice cream truck. My situation had just turned from absurd to surreal. I thought I must be in another one of my weird dreams. There was no way I could be standing in such a desolate place in the middle of NYC, having just come out of a porn shop and then witnessing, of all things, an ice cream truck slowly making its way toward me on a deserted street. It defied logic. Unfortunately, it WAS real and I couldn't just wake up, so I soldiered on.
When I finally walked up to the UPS counter, I was told that I couldn't claim the Dell package because I did not have a NYC photo ID with an address that matched the one on the package. I pleaded with the guy, telling him that I only recently moved to here from CA and therefore did not have a NYC ID, and that I walked 2 miles to get here. He just said, "I'm sorry but that's our policy: The computer companies require people with proper ID." I told him that there's nothing valuable in the package other than a bunch of worthless CDR's. (I had ordered the CDR's as fillers in order to use a Dell coupon, which had a minimum purchase requirement, to buy my iPod. Dell shipped them out separately.) Luckily, Citizen didn't have such a strict requirement, so I was able to pick up my watch, which I had sent in a few weeks ago for repair. Then I find out that this branch actually doesn't close until 7 pm, which means I could have come here after work!! Oh well, at least they were nice enough to point me to a subway station that's marginally closer than the one from which I arrived.
On my way to this station, I was startled by a big, mean guard dog, who barked furiously at me and clawed mightily at the fence while I walked past him. Although I've never done so, now I can kind of understand why some Chinese people eat dogs. When I finally got on the train, I managed to doze off past my stop.
So, in conclusion, yesterday I walked almost 4 miles, picked up only one package and then found out that I could have just driven there after work. What a day.
posted by Gary at
1:10 PM
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