Office Stories

One of the managing directors at a meeting: "I used to work with this other manager director who once said, 'at this company, no one ever stabs you in the back." A few of the other MD's smirked at this seemingly innocuous revelation. The first MD continued: "She said, 'instead, people here always wave the knife in front of your face slowly and smile at you before they plunge it in your gut."" Everyone laughed heartily.
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Phil: What happened on your last date? Your rule is that the third date ends in a blow job and the fourth seals the deal, right?
Andy: Yeah, but she was sick. She had, of all things, a sore throat!
Phil: Ha, the woman I went out with had a sore throat AFTER the date!
Me: I'll leave you sick fucking bastards alone now.

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Associate MD: Phil, one of these days I need to beat the geek out of you.

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One of the MD's that I'm working with on a project had a step-dad who was the real-life inspiration for Theo Kojak TV character.

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At the Big Brother/Little Brother meeting today, the invited CUNY admissions officer was blabbing on about the hardships that kids nowadays have to overcome. He defined "negatrons" as the negative influences that surround them. I couldn't stop laughing whenever he used that word because it sounded like the name of some monster from a Godzilla movie: "Godzilla VS Negatron!"

All is not well in the Cosmos

You know things are not looking rosy when

1.) Your mom attempts to persuade you to go to church to meet girls
2.) Someone your mom's age, whom you had just met at the Cornell Club and who has a daughter going to Cornell, wants your contact info so she could introduce you to young single women she knows. Granted, she directed her query at more than just you, but still.