Saturday, March 01, 2003

Last night I had some time to kill before meeting up with Jason for his birthday gig, so I went to Macy's to do some shopping. I was thinking of getting some cologne. After smelling God knows how many different brands of cologne, I still couldn't decide which one to get. Basically, there seem to be only three or four different types of smells and none really stood out.

I considered getting Pasha by Cartier, but then wasn't sure if I want to spend $50 for 3.4 oz of "masculine scent possess[ing] a blend of mint, citrus, wood, musk and amber." Therefore, I decided to pass on it for now.

On my way out, I walked by some really cool ties. I took one in my hand to admire the beautiful patterns.

Then I sniffed the tie. It seemed like such a natural thing to do after smelling everything that was handed to me for 10 minutes. I laughed out loud at my absurd newly acquired reflex.
A Modest Proposal

Just flipping through channels and came across "Touched By An Angel" on CBS, a sappy, boring show that is probably being syndicated or will be syndicated on sappy, boring channels like Oxygen and Life Time. Of course CBS itself is pretty much worthless for all entertainment purposes other than March Madness.

Anyways, I think there should be a show called "Touched By A Priest." Maybe even a reality show.

Friday, February 28, 2003

B-Day alert for jahmad
Happy Birthday Jason! I know you'll get shitty tonight, just deciding whether I should get shitty too.

The girl in the cubicle close to me has her radio switched to a Top-40, Clear Channel-owned radio station. Here's what I have been subjected to today and every previous day (since this type of station isn't know for diverse playlists):

John Mayer -- "Your Body is a Wonderland." Let's just say this guy would be "dessert" in any prison
T.A.T.U. -- their lesbian hit, FOR THE FOURTH FUCKING TIME!!!!
J. Lo -- songs that are credited to her, even though all she is doing is backing up the beats and Ja Rule's shitty rapping/talking
Justin Timberlake -- "Cry Me a River" I HAVE LOST TRACK OF HOW MANY TIMES!!! Oddly, he sounds like Michael Jackson on this song. I hope his nose falls off, too.
Various other horrible songs that make me want to buy an Ipod and some kick ass headphones to drown out all this noise.
The Gfunk All-Bad Ass Team

As I was enduring my one-hour commute on the way to work today, my mind began to wander as usual. One thing led to another, and before I knew it, I was compiling a list of guys that kick so much ass, I want to be like them. No, make that I want to BE them. These guys have bad-assness coursing through their veins and will still be bad asses when they are senile and wearing Depends.

  • Christopher Walken -- no one else is as effective at making you laugh and scaring the shit out of you at the same time.

  • George Klooney -- one word, "cool"

  • Kevin Spacey -- the epitome of cynicism, capable of making you laugh before realizing that he's making fun of you.

  • Jack Nicholson -- the grandfather in this group, the original Bad Ass.

  • Chow Yun-Fat -- always double fisted, and always ready to put some holes in you with a smile; the Emperor of Asian cinema, the Titan of cool. Let's not bring up Bullet-Proof Monk, ok?

  • Yao Ming -- as comfortable shooting a turn-around fade-away J as he is at slamming it down, a capable complement to his bro

  • Robert Deniro and Al Pacino -- the ultimate ass-kicking Italian stallions; each deserves his own entry, but when put together their bad ass quotient shoots through the roof, pierces the ozone layer and obliterates any incoming asteroids.

  • Bill Clinton -- may have questionable ethics, but still the finest president in the 13 years I have lived in this country, although that's not saying much; here's to hoping that a ballsy Democrat or Green (yeah yeah pigs will fly) will rise up and replace this buffoon

There you have it. Stay tuned for the Gfunk All-Lamers list, which may or may not be conceived on the ride back home tonight

Thursday, February 27, 2003

White Affirmative Action?

"'If I had only been black I would have gotten into my first-choice college.'"

"The ability to believe that being black would have made no difference (other than a beneficial one when it came time for college), and that being white has made no positive difference, is rooted in privilege itself: the privilege that allows one to not have to think about race on a daily basis... to not have to worry about being viewed as a 'out of place' when driving, shopping, buying a home, or for that matter, attending the University of Michigan."

From this great article, which chronicles a history of racial preferences for whites that basically created the whole racial inequity problem that we are facing today. Take that, Dubya!.

It's kind of funny how T.A.T.U sounded so much better when I heard their song at 7:15 AM on my alarm clock's radio. Although I think they sound pretty terrible when I'm fully awake, I still have to admire their manager. The guy is a fucking genius. Who else would have thought of pairing two hot European teens and market them as pop sensations that just happen to be rebellious lesbian lovers? Only a psychologist (which he is) could come up with something this titillating. I wonder how long it will be before these girls are approached by Playboy.

Wednesday, February 26, 2003

Racial inequality?

Here's what I have noticed at my company:

1.) Most of the banker/analyst big wigs are white.
2.) Most of the programmers/techies are Asian.
3.) Most of the security guards/gatekeepers are black.
4.) Most of the cafeteria servers are Hispanic.

This reminds me of how at Stanford most of the people who serve food in the dining halls and who clean the bathrooms are Hispanic and don't speak English. Also, all the laundromats and trinket shops in my neighborhood are run by Asians. My friend Lisa, who's a high school teacher in a predominantly black high school in Spanish Harlem, tells me that her students live in ghetto neighborhoods and have very little meaningful contact with people outside of their race.

Is there a solution to this racial specialization/segregation problem? Is this even a problem that I should be concerned about? Someone has to serve me my food right?
One good thing about doing laundry

I HAVE CLEAN UNDERWEAR!! WOOHOO! I don't need to go buy new boxers anymore. Last week when I was in Chinatown for a haircut, I picked up some boxers too. When I told the Chinese street vendor lady that I wanted the large Hanes boxers, she looked at me incredulously and asked in Chinese, "Are you sure you want them that big? These are in American size." I politely informed her that I am aware of that and told her that was what I usually wear. Talk about a humbling moment.


One thing that always amuses me is seeing teenagers in my blue-collar, working-class neighborhood wearing "US Polo Association" apparel. Am I racist or is it unlikely that there would be many black/Hispanic inner-city polo enthusiasts? Do US Polo Assoc. members actually wear big puffy coats emblazoned with "US Polo Association"?
Breakdancing on the train, ass roasting, and laundry

Last night was one of those occasions that makes me wonder if there is indeed a God who has a cruel sense of humor and likes to toy with me. It was almost as bad as my weekend Manhattan trip. Here's what happened: After I got on the train toward Queens, I tried to take a mini-nap as usual, except this time I couldn't because one of those street-performers was going through the train and doing tricks. The guy claimed that he was a college student trying to earn tuition money and then proceeded to break dance. Of course, he went around asking for money after his 2-minute routine. Now I was once a college student in need of tuition assistance too, but I don't ever recall break dancing on the Caltrain or BART to make ends meet. I got steady jobs that didn't rely on begging. Usually, I keep some coins in my pocket for unavoidable occasions such as this, but I didn't have any coins on me at the time and I didn't feel like giving him a dollar, either, so I just closed my eyes.

I also happened to sit in a spot directly above the heater, which would be nice and comfy if I weren't already bundled up. So for 15 minutes I felt like my ass was on fire. Thankfully the guy next to me got off a few stations later so I could move away from the ass oven.

When I finally got home I had to haul a 30-lb bag of dirty laundry 4 blocks to the laundromat. I hadn't done laundry in more than 4 weeks because of the weekend blizzard and raining. Good thing that I finally broke down and bought one of those upright shopping/laundry carts. As I pushed the massive bag of dirty laundry down the block and covered my head with the hood on my jacket, the transformation was complete: I was the homeless old lady that goes through people's trash looking for cans to recycle. Sigh, if the cart only handled like a four-wheel drive with power steering, I would have been set. But oh well.

Two hours and almost $15 later, I hauled the clean laundry back home. By then I was starving because I hadn't eaten anything all night. Out of desperation, I heated up some left over Chinese take out. In the immortal words of my Brooklyn coworker, "lemme tell ya," the only thing worse than shitty Chinese fast food is shitty Chinese fast food that sat in the fridge for a week. It was possibly the 3rd worst meal I've had since moving to NYC.

The only bright spot was "The Shield," the best show on TV now. Gritty, intense, gripping and sometimes hilarious, what a show!

Tuesday, February 25, 2003

Why Yao Ming and I are twins separated at birth:

1.) We are both Chinese
2.) We are both 22 years old.
3.) We both can't live without Chinese food
4.) He's 7'5", I'm 5'7" (actually, closer to 5'8", but you get the idea)
5.) We are both stand-up comedians with hordes of fans
6.) We are both well-hung. Well, I don't know about him but it's easy to make the assumption.
7.) We both have game, in more than one way.
8.) He was in an Apple commercial, I majored in CS.

I'll continually update this comparison as more things come to mind.
Once again I hear Ja Rule's lame ass on the radio. Why the hell is he so popular? The retard looks like a rat, can't rap and can't sing. And boy does he look classy in a wife-beater lounging in a Bentley. All he has going for him is the catchy beats and instrumentals in the background.

My boy Tolu (aka Branner4Life) puts it best when he said:

"Ja Rule is the biggest punk in hip hop. How are you gonna start a label called Murder Inc. and then come out with all these soft duets with titles like "I Cry" and "Put it on Me"?"

Word, Tolu
Well, well, well, I'm finally blogging. From now on, you can see all the random thoughts that swirl around in that shapely head of mine. Here you will find my musings on life, New York, TV, weird websites, and everything else. Welcome.