Thursday, February 22, 2007

One More

Out with Joe and Sachin a week ago:

Me: Dude I'm going to stop drinking so much from now on. I'm such a jack ass when I get wasted. Last week I went out with Chil and Adrienne to hang out with Adrienne's coworker Alicia. Here's what I said to Alicia's friend Beth, who's black: "I know this may sound racist, but it's not and I hope you won't be offended. So I went to this Spike Lee movie screening a while back and during the Q&A session, whenever Spike said something that everyone agreed with, all the black ladies in the audience went, 'Uh Huh!' Why do they do that?" I don't remember what she said, but I think she just smiled politely. Why did I say that to her??? I'm such a dumb ass!!!

Joe: Uh huh.

Misc Quotes

* My sister talking about my niece: "Cindy can be so difficult sometimes. She always says 'no' to everything we ask her, except 'Do you want some ice cream?'" Listening to her talk about that totally reminded me of this girl from my dorm senior year who said that when she was a kid her mom used to give her broccoli when she was good and made her eat ice cream when she was bad. So now she doesn't like to eat ice cream. Pretty fucked up, right?

* Last Friday night after coming out of the gym, I was totally ready to eat some take out food at home, change into my PJ's, catch up on my Time Out New York and Harper's reading, and then go to bed, but somehow ended up going out anyways. I went to my favorite neighborhood bar Failte, an Irish whiskey bar where the hot Thai bartender/aspiring pro billiard player hooks me up with free drinks from time to time. As I was making my way through a big crowd gyrating to some rock song I can't remember to get my coat, I somehow got caught in the middle and kept getting bumped around. In a moment of desperation, I yelled, "Coming through! Coming through! Civilian! Civilian! Civilian!" I heard some girly giggles followed by female drill sergeant barking voice: "AIN'T NO FUCKING CIVILIANS HERE!!"

* A couple of months ago, Adrienne's friend and her bf came over for dinner.

AF: You know there's this cosmetic procedure out there now called vaginoplasty, which is supposed to make your vagina look nicer. I don't understand the point. It's not like I'm going to get it done and then go on the street and lift up my skirt and say, "Hey everyone, check out my vagina!"

BF: Yeah, me either. Why can't they just figure out a way to make it smell better?

AF: You are NEVER going to touch me again!

BF: Wait, wait, I wasn't talking about you, honey.


* Chil: "Moog Moog Gary"

* Go here.