Kick Ass Website

I bet Fox didn't anticipate the amount of free publicity they would provide to agitproperties.com when they threatened to sue the site for selling parody "Faux News" shirts. This site has some great stuff. Check out the shirts. I really got a kick out of the description for the "Faux News" shirt: "Printed on a first-quality “Hannity’s Heart” Black 100% cotton Hanes Beefy-Tee blank for maximum garment life." I would buy an "O'Reilly Youth" shirt, or a "Faux News" shirt if they weren't so expensive.

A Few Quickies

* Just when it finally stopped raining outside, it's now super hot and extremely humid. While walking around in the city today I felt like my balls were immersed in a fucking pickle jar. Although my apt is hot as hell in this 95-degree weather because it lacks an AC, at least i can walk around in my underwear since I'm living alone. I'm totally in Homer mode right now. NO COMPLAINTS ABOUT UNWANTED DETAILS FROM ANY OF YOU FOOLS!!

* There was a suspicious package next to the UN today, so the full suite of law enforcement agencies showed up, including the NYPD, the bomb squad, and the firefighters. It turned out to just contain a coffee can. I'm definitely not very thrilled about this little incident because I will be living right next to the UN. I can see the fucking flag poles from outside of my apartment, which is itself called The Ambassador!! I would hate to be woken up in the middle of the night and evacuated from my apartment the next time some retard leaves a package near the UN.

* Just when I was going to rant against corporate synergy because my local FOX affilliate has been showing clips of and interviews with the starlets of Charlie's Angels Full Throttle every night for the past week, I found out that the movie is actually from Sony Pictures, not Fox. It's no less annoying though. Also, I'm glad that Tom Green won't be in Full Throttle, get this, as a result of his divorce settlement with Drew Berrymore. I hate that annoying dipshit. Does anyone actually find that uni-balled retard funny?

* Wow, I can't believe Jason Capono went ahead of Luke Walton in the draft. That's pretty shocking given how much all the announcers (excluding Bill Walton) loved Walton and how much flack Capono always got for being inconsistent.

Pack It In

Maybe I should get this shirt before I go to China later this year.

Encounter

Due to my impending move, yesterday I went to the postal office to fill out a change-of-address form. After realizing that I didn't have a pen with me, I asked the postal employee behind the counter for a pen. He looked like a typical weary, disgruntled civil servant. Anyways, he looked at his bulging shirt pocket, which actually had a pocket protector containing at least 15 pens, sighed and took one out reluctantly. "Make sure you bring it back to me," He admonished, "I just lost a pen to someone else." He really reminded me of that working stiff in "Office Space" who was obsessed with his stapler.

You Have Just Made My Day

Last night I emailed some guy who was recommended to me through Craig's List about building a wall for our apartment. His email address is BigTruckMasters at AOL. I just got a response from him. The best part was the subject: "I am doing demolition in Brooklyn this week" I hope I'm not the only one that finds it hysterical.

What?

Some fool just got arrested for buying Microsoft software with employee discounts and then selling them to others to make a profit. Big deal. Given the astronomical retail prices of MS software, the guy probably bought a few copies of Windows Server 2003 Enterprise Edition and Office XP to reach that $17 million amount. What IS notable is what happened to the previous guy who got caught:

"Microsoft hired investigators and put in updated systems to crack down on violations of internal policy after Daniel Feussner, a former Microsoft manager, was fired and arrested in December 2002 for allegedly funding a lavish lifestyle by selling discounted software for personal profit. Feussner later died in a local hospital after ingesting antifreeze."

Let me get this, the guy was smart enough to be a manager at Microsoft and yet he died from drinking antifreeze. Am I the only one that find the circumstances of his death suspicious?

Why?

First, go here and check out the picture of the emaciated tennis player in the middle of the page. When I saw that picture in a newspaper, I was shocked, disgusted and nauseated. It was NOT something I wanted to see when I was eating a sandwich.

I have always been puzzled by the problems that girls have with eating disorders. How much disdain or hatred can someone have for her own body that she is willing to intentionally starve herself? Is the pressure from her peers and the media so great that she can overcome the biological instinct to feed herself? There are people who go on hunger strikes for a variety of reasons, from protesting social injustices to expressing solidarity with each other. Does an anorexic possess that kind of zeal? How is it possible for anyone's reality to be so distorted that she can't see herself wasting away in the mirror, and can continue to starve herself?

I know that there are also men out there who are obsessed with their bodies and spend several hours a day in the gym pumping iron to the detriment to their health, but it doesn't seem to be manifested on nearly the same scale as anorexia/bulimia in women. Whereas I see weak or fat guys constantly mocked on TV shows and in movies and commercials, I hardly ever see a fat woman being made fun of. I guess it's mainly because I hardly ever see a fat woman on TV! Then again, I hardly ever see Asian men on TV, and that doesn't compel me to go out and bleach my skin, or install rocket boosters in my feet so I can slam dunk, or practice rhyming so I can get into freestyle battles with Mos Def.

I know I have been guilty of cracking a joke from time to time at the expense of some obese people, but those people looked like elephants! We all like to have an athletic, beautifully toned body, but most of us are also realistic. I can make the disctinction between deathly ill wasting away, thin, normal, chubby, fat, and morbidly obese. Why can't some of these girls do the same?

Great Comic

Check this out. Too bad you have to pay/watch ads/wait two weeks to read the latest one from Salon.com. Yet another reason to subscribe to Salon!!

Save The (Asian) Males

A couple of days ago I saw an ad that featured an Asian man talking, throughout the duration of the entire commercial. I think it's the seond commercial I have ever watched in recently memory that had an Asian guy in it, with the first a Scope commerical showing some Asian guy standing among a bunch of other people rinsing his mouth. It makes me realize that Asian men, be they East or South Asian, are almost like an endangered species when it comes to ad representation. I see white guys, black guys, Hispanic guys whooping it up with black girls, white girls, Hispanic girls, and Asian girls regularly in beer commercials and subway ads, but rarely do I ever see any Asian guy sticking around. If TV commercials truly reflect reality, then one must inevitably come to the conclusion that Asian girls reproduce asexually. So once upon a time, there was only one hot Asian girl. She had long black hair that shined, a beautiful face and a slender body. Then one day, a part of her body began to oscillate, quiver, twitch, and...viola!! It broke off and formed another girl that looked almost exactly like her. And then another, and another....

After many generations of such mitotic splintering, all of these beautiful Asian girls ended up in beer commercials featuring debates on the importance of "less filling" vs. "great taste."