Monday, December 13, 2004

Odds and Ends

* I cannot believe Stanford didn't even make Norm Chow an offer!! The man is an offensive genius who has coached Steve Young, Jim McMahon, Ty Detmer, and the last two USC Heisman winners! To be fair, this Walt Harris dude looks like a decent coach too, but he's definitely no Norm Chow. Maybe I'm bitter because I really wanted Stanford to hire an Asian American. On the other hand, there are only 4 black head coaches in all of college football when more than half of the players are black.

* I finally took some time to clean the toilet yesterday. For a while I've been feeling somewhat guilty because my roommate did the cleaning the last couple of times. Of course, given the frequency, or lack thereof, with which we clean the bathroom, he's probably only cleaned the bathroom once more than I have. Anyways, I had that toilet bowl so fresh and so clean, a midget could take a bath in it. That mofo looked pristine. It smelled great too!! The water inside could have totally been bottled up and sold as "Ambassador Springs." Ambassador is the name of my apt, btw.

I actually didn't want to use the bathroom a few hours afterwards because peeing in that spotless bowl would be like drilling in the Arctic Refuge. Needless to say, my roommate's gf had no such qualms.

* Have you ever seen the facial expression of a dog when it's taking a dump? It's pure fucking comic gold, I tell you. The other day, I was walking back from work and I saw this skinny, lanky dog trying to "lay some cable," as the saying goes. As the dog was lifting up one of his hind legs, his big, droopy eyes caught my curious stare. I swear to God I actually detected an uneasiness in his eyes, which averted my gaze quickly. He almost seemed ashamed as he shifted his legs around. I saw the embarrassment in his long face. God I wish I hadn't suppressed that hysterical laughter that was about to break out of me. I wonder what he would have done.

* I'm used to suffering in the gym, from the sore and aching pain inflicted upon my wobbly legs by 15-minute treadmill runs to the searing, grinding sting dished out by the sit up bench. I can take all that pain and shove it into my mind's oblivion. I cannot, however, get that horrifying image of that lumpy, old man applying talcum powder to his pale, flabby ass in the locker room out of my head. Not ever!!! This was far more heinous than that other time when I saw another old guy weighing himself on the digital scale in the buff. The guy definitely deserves a pat on his wrinkly back for his effort to get the most accurate reading possible, but dude, buy a fucking scale and do that shit at home!

A man's body, especially an old man's, is not a pretty thing to behold.