Saturday, November 05, 2005

My Dad is Lil' Jon

On IM:

Dad: What are you doing? What will you do today?
Me: i'm going out now to get some food
Me: not much
Me: just spending time with friends
Dad: OK!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Dude Stories

Story #1

A couple of weekends ago when Sachin came to check out NYC for apartments, we hang out with some other friends at an awesome Karaoke place in the East Village called Japas. At the end of the night, his friend chatted up one of the cute Japanese ladies sitting at the bar. By that point Sachin was totally hammered so we went outside for some fresh air. A little while later, his friend came out laughing his ass off. We asked him what happened.

He explained as thus: "Dude, I started talking to that cute Japanese girl when I was outside for a smoke and I found out she was from Brazil. So we were talking and talking. Then just when I was about to leave, I totally put my balls on the table and told her I thought she was really hot and would love to see her again. I asked for her number, right? She said with this Japanese accent, 'I'm saw sawry, I'm married and have a child'!!"

We had a good laugh at that. I went inside to grab another friend while Sachin was hanging out outside. After I came out, I thought, where did Sachin go? I looked around and then thought, wow that bum has a really nice jacket. Well, that bum turned out to be Sachin's drunk ass passed out on the steps of a piercing parlor on St. Mark's. Of course, my natural response was to whip out my camera phone to take a picture of him at his most vulnerable state. Evidently, he was still lucid enough to throw up a hand and yell, "Dude that's not cool!" at me. Since the picture didn't turn out well at all, I deleted it.

The night before that I got pretty hammered myself, came back to my place at 2:30, and promptly fell asleep. At around 3:30 Sachin called me from outside my apartment. I didn't wake up until he called me a second time. I barely remember buzzing him in. According to him, I opened the door, waited for him to come upstairs and then went back to bed after pointing at the couch. The whole time I didn't speak a single word.

Story #2

Monday night I went to a party in the Village hosted by the girlfriend of a coworker. Her place was right on Christopher St. so we stood on the balcony and heckled all the people in costumes who roamed the street. Unfortunately, she was the only girl at the party so it pretty much turned into a sausage fest. To add insult to injury, the gay couple she invited kept hollering "show your tits" at flamboyant buff black dudes in super tight pants. They also screamed "we are gay!" at some hot girls in nurse uniforms while the rest of us frantically waved our arms yelling "no, WE are not gay!"

For a split second, my roaming eyes looked across the street and found an overweight man wrapping his arms around his equally overweight boyfriend while they stood in front of their window. I felt a little sad at that one instant.

Anyways, I told my other coworker about the crazy Halloween party I went to last weekend. He said he dressed up as Yao Ming (he's pretty tall) and went to some club. Then he took out his cell and asked me to call a number on there using my cell. Apparently, he got some girl's number at the club but was too wasted to remember her name. He thought her name was "Janet" or something like that. My task was to call the number and try to figure out her name. "And don't say anything about Yao Ming or bring up my name, ok?"

I called the number, and surprise surprise, some guy picked up. After I went through the motion of asking for Janet and then hanging up after being told I called the wrong number, I yelled at him, "Dude, it was a dude!!" He snickered and said, "I guess I must have typed her number wrong then, haha."

Later the gay couple (our gay couple, not to be confused with the affectionate couple across the street) left briefly to pick up more beer. Somehow, they came back with a six-pack in a Banana Republic bag. Naturally, I asked, "Why do you have a BR bag?" "Oh, we picked up a sweater on the way back." WTF????

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Home Sweet Home

I spent the weekend with the parents for the first time in almost two months. It certainly was a welcoming respite from an awful week both professionally and personally. I got to sleep in late, eat tasty homecooked food (Dad made awesome noodles, I'm hungry now just thinking about them) and lick my wounds instead of sulking in the apartment, blowing money on drinks and brooding over her.

As I reflected on the tumultuous and emotionally draining past few weeks, I tried to blot all memories of her from my mind: the cute freckles on her face, her beautiful smile, the kiss-me-you-fool look on our second date, the way her laughter radiated throughout her body and bounced off mine as we laid next to each other, the "Kind of Blue" cocktail I ordered before we parted, the terrible, unsettling feeling of having lost a part of myself, almost a gnawing hunger, after I hopped in the cab later that night, the white hot anger that I struggled to contain after being informed by the cabbie that he was a n00b and didn't know how to get from 9th st. & 3rd ave to fucking Zum Schneider on 7th & C. I gave and gave and gave and got nothing back but a bitter dose of disappointment, not even a lousy T-shirt that says "I gave and gave and gave and all I got was this lousy T-shirt."

I don't know how to play the game and probably never will. I guess this is how people get hurt.

Although I feel a sense of vulnerability as I had never felt before, I refuse to become one of those bitter, defeated people who build impenetrable walls around themselves to guard against potential disappointments and heartaches. I will go on wearing my emotions on my sleeves. I will continue to say what I mean and mean what I say. I will savor the good times and move past the bad.

No games. No bullshit. No regrets.

All this moping makes me want to grow a pony tail and write bad poetry.

Let's talk about the most enjoyable things I did this weekend, shall we? Well, I finally looked at the pictures that were taken in California a month ago when I went to visit my sister and her family in Davis, as well as my buddies in the SF Bay Area (thanks Sachin! Still waiting for pics from BK, Tolu and Paola!): Teaching Cindy how to pedal the least ugly bike I could get for her second birthday (just wish it didn't have all that fucking trademarked pink Disney shit all over the place); watching her having a good time at the playground; having a little fun myself; taking a picture of my sister and brother-in-law when they weren't busy changing Cindy's diaper or feeding her soup or giving her a bath or singing a lullaby to her or taking pictures of her.

I also met up with a bunch of furry and violent, if I might add, Indians who made fun of my relative hairlessness. I also got back in touch with a few friends that I hadn't seen in a while, even playing Super Street Puzzle Fighter against Jason, just like in freshman year! Best of all, I flashed Sachin the Intimidator Look and scared him so much he almost fell out of his chair!! Good times!

My parents' new neighbors also invited us to their house for a Halloween party. Holy shit, those senior citizens threw a kick ass Halloween party: fully stocked bar, buffet dinner, professional DJ, and, best of all, folks young and old rocking to KC and the Sunshine Band in crazy costumes. David (the husband) was dressed as that wacky dude from the Six Flags commercials, complete with the huge glasses and bald plastic scalp. When that Venga Boys song started playing, he went wild, snapping his suspenders and gyrating them old bones without a care in the world. I just can't imagine my dad doing something like that. Ever. There must have been at least 60 or 70 people at this party. I was checking out David's hot granddaughter until I overheard that it was her 14th birthday. Oh well :) I also met his children (whose ages ranged from late 20's to early 40's) from his previous marriage(s?), one of whom had on a pregnant nun costume. Man, I love these new neighbors already!

Need to go to bed now. Will try to post some pretty funny guy stories tomorrow.