Saturday, April 19, 2003

I'm A Retard

On the way out of the Chinese restaurant, I saw a big line of people so I just absent-mindedly sought out the path of least resistance, which was right next to the counter. So as I walked toward the entrance, I passed this girl who was looking at me with this weird expression on her face. I walked a few steps forward, then realized that I just walked behind the counter near the entrance. On my left was the cash register!! I quickly went back the way I came and jetted out of the restaurant past the line of smirking people as quickly as I could. It was so fucking embarassing!! I don't think I'll go back to that place again.

On the way back from Flushing today, the radio was playing "Where the Party at", THE party song at Branner last year. If I weren't driving, I would have put on my du-rag, waved around my Bacardi and started going "uhhh ohhhhhhhhh!!" Man, I miss Branner.
Stop Looting!!

What kind of retards would loot a zoo? What can you do with "chimpanzees, Vervet monkeys, Pekinese dogs, love birds and cockatoos"?

Surprisingly, I actually received my Logitech Z680 speaker system from Dell today, even though it's supposed to be shipped out according to Dell. Actually, after I got my speakers, I received an email from Dell saying that my order will be delayed until the 26th. I think they need to fix their ordering/inventory/tracking system.

Anyways, I'm super excited about these speakers because they put out a combined 450 watts!! And that's 450 RMS (continous) watts, not the bs 800 peak watts you see advertised for $30 computer speakers. These babies are THX certified and can produce 5.1 Dolby Dogital/DTS/Prologic II sound!! Too bad the digital optical and digital coax audio cables I bought from ebay haven't arrived yet, so I had to get some 1/8" phono jack cable to hook up my TV (through the headphone jack) to the aux input on the control pod for the speaker system. I have to say that the bass is thunderous, even when I only turn it 1/4 of the way up. In fact, my new neighbors called my landlord to complain. Apparently, the guy/guys go to bed at 11 every night, even on Fridays. Man, I can't wait to move to Manhattan in a couple of months.

I NEED those damn digital cables soon so I can test the system by playing tons of GTA Vice City and Devil May Cry 2.
How To Get a Hangover Without Drinking

Get totally disoriented from playing a shoot-em up game, say Max Payne, from 10 pm to 2 am. Go to bed at 3 after spending another hour on the computer chatting with people. Get waken up periodically because of people moving in upstairs, car alarms (TWICE) and landlord opening the door to move in the big ass speakers that were ordered 3 days ago.

Get out of bed at 2 pm with a pounding headache and a sore body. Now that's what I call an artificial hangover.

Friday, April 18, 2003

Too Cool

Man, this ad blew me away. Here's how they did it.

Thursday, April 17, 2003


They just arrested some guy who claims to be a time traveler from the year 2256. Unlike your typical lunatic who would normally be thrown into a mental hospital, this guy made $350 million on the stock market from $800 in two weeks! He's being held for insider's trading and the only explanation he can give is that he's from the future. I wonder what his version of the future is like.

I haven't heard much of Tim Robbins until he was attacked recently for expressing his opinions, even by the president of Baseball's (a lame sport anyways) Hall of Fame. Recently, he made this powerful speech at the National Press Club. Go Tim.
I'm Joining
God I love this city. Where else can you exercise in rubber suits and get abused by a dominatrix?

Favorite quote from the slide show captions: "Though she has a degree in journalism Victoria found there was more money to be made beating men into shape."

Talk about a bizarre encounter. I love that picture and I've set it to be my desktop wallpaper at work. I guess pigs can fly.

Wednesday, April 16, 2003

You Gotta Diversify Your Bonds, Nigga

Watch the Best of Chappelle's Show tonight on Comedy Central at 10:30 PM. You won't regret it, foolios. For sheezo!

Because of this shitty cold front that's moving in tomorrow, I may have to cancel my weekend excursion to Boston. Look at these two weather forecasts for Boston and New York. How could a place have a high of 80 degrees and a low of 32 degrees on the same day??? That's just fucked up.

Oh well, I hope my new video games and speakers will get here soon. I don't think the landlords will be too happy when their walls are still shaking at 3 am from sounds of a sawed-off shotgun, colt commando, grenades and various explosions, on top of the screams that enemies let out as I mercilessly and systematically eliminate them.
True Dat

"If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed... ..oh wait, he does." Anonymous

Tracy: Why do people have to die?
Nate: To make life important.

So it is, I have reached the end of the line. Six Feet Under Season 1 is no more. Since I have no idea when HBO will release Season 2 on DVD and I don't think it will be any time soon, as the first season was just released recently, I will begin searching for Season 2 episodes online.

Tuesday, April 15, 2003

Don't Call Me Sir

During lunch today, while I was getting my food in the cafeteria, a food server called me "sir" again, which has always made me feel uncomfortable. Most of these workers are older than me, with some approaching or exceeding my parents' age. I have always felt that it's really demeaning to them when they have to address someone with little more than 22 years of existence in this world "sir." By the look of indifference on most of these workers' faces, I guess they could care less about something as trivial as this. I have also gotten such bad service that the guy behind the counter wouldn't have cared if a dead rat had been floating in my soup. However, I just can't help but feel guilty when I see someone my mom's age standing there scooping up a big gulp of mashed potato into my foam container with a smile on her face and then saying "Thank you sir." I want to tell her and everyone else to stop calling me "sir" when I am just a punk kid but that seems impolite as well. Maybe I'm just masochistic.
Go to Hell?

Last night as I watched David Fisher, the co-owner of the funeral home in Six Feet Under, continue to struggle in his effort to reconcile his flaming homosexuality and his strong Christian faith, I began to contemplate my own fate in the supposed after-life. The way I see it, David and I have one thing in common: we are both going to hell according to Christian tenets. The Bible may contain many, many self-contradictions, but it is unequivocal as far as one thing is concerned: You are going to hell if you are gay or if you are not a believer, even if you are such a swell guy. On the other hand, idiots like Jerry Falwell, who have pretty much preached intolerance against gays and non-Christians all his life, not to mention being blatantly racist, have a clear path to this so-called Heaven because they have been serving the Lord. Judging by the criteria found in a pamphlet I got the other day, even Saddam Hussein can get into Heaven (if he's not already in Hell) so long as he repents his sins and puts all his faith in Jesus Christ our savior. That's the one thing I will never understand or forget as long as I'm sane.

Living in this predominantly Christian country, it is unsurprising that I have many friends who are Christians, even some very devout ones. Thankfully, most if not all of them are socially liberal and they have never tried to proselytize me. But sometimes I wonder if they have ever contemplated the possibility of me, who they have known and hanged out with for years, getting all kind of special treatments from demons and goblins and devils while being roasted in a very hot place, since I'm not one of them. On the other hand, I'm glad I won't have to think about my Jewish/Muslim/Hindu/non-religious friends suffering all kinds of torture come Judgment Day since I don't believe in any of this hail fire and brimstone bullshit. Of course, I don't think my Christian friends take all this gloom and doom stuff seriously, at least I hope not. Also, even though I'm not as familiar with Islam or Judaism or Hinduism, I wouldn't at all be surprised if I will have a similar fate awaiting my infidel ass.

The fact that my closest, best friends and blowtards like Pat Robertson and people who hold "God Hates Fags" signs outside of "The Laramie Project" productions all believe in the same religion just boggles my mind. Similarly, how could my friend Imran, one of the nicest, most friendly people I know, and Osama Bin Laden share the same religion? Obviously, the demagogues have all twisted and manipulated the teachings of their respective religions to carry out their nefarious agendas, but they appear to have too much conviction in their actions to suggest that they are being totally insincere. What gives?
Google Fun

Nik, who works at Google, told me once that in the company lobby there is some kind of display that has real-time search terms scrolling across it at all times, with all the dirty words filtered out of course. Hmm, maybe I should write a script that searches Google continously with queries like "Die Nik Die!!" "It's OK to admit you like goat porn, Nik" "Stop jacking off in the bathroom, Nik!" "Turn your shitty rap music off, Nik!"

The most important one: "It's time to get off work, Nik. You are not in a cult, you can leave any time!"

Six Feet Under Season 1, Episode 12: "A Private Life." On April 14, 2003 from 11 pm to 12 am I was fortunate enough to witness the best hour of television ever crafted by man. I feel blessed.

Monday, April 14, 2003

Third Worst Dining Experience Ever

Yesterday after a relaxing but tiring stroll through Central Park, I could feel my stomache crying out for some meaty goodness. To cure my hunger, I decided to head to the Corner Bistro, a small, filthy restaurant/bar that has the best hamburger I have ever tasted. It has also been voted as having the best burgers in the city. Upon entering the Bistro, I was a bit surprised by the sheer number of people clogging up the place. Although the lines were just as long if not longer the last two times I went there, I had gone there on Friday and Saturday nights. Since I knew the food worth was the waiting, I decided to stick it out.

After standing in line for more than an hour, I was finally seated by the waiter. Right next to a couple. For the remainder of the meal I was basically forced to watch a super cute Asian girl cuddling/making out with a lumpy white guy. The fact that I was hungry and tired after a couple of hours of walking, that I had to wait in line for more than an hour, that I was feeling like a loner, that I had to endure 30 min. of PDA as I wolfed down my oddly tasteless burger so I could get the hell out of that stuffy, dingy hellhole, made it the third worst dining experience I've ever had.

What are the other two horrible experiences? For the second worst I drove around in the Cupertino Village parking lot for more than 20 minutes before finding a spot, waited in line at this shitty Chinese restaurant for more than 45 minutes because the lines for other restaurants were even longer, got seated at the same table as two complete strangers and ate really bad food. Of course, right after I started eating, my nose decided to bleed, so I had to run to the bathroom and plug it up with some tissue.

Don't even get me started on my WORST dining experience ever. It's too painful to bring up. Let's just say it involved a restaurant that specialized in ducks (bk should know what I'm talking about).
Separation of Sex and Love??

The other day I saw a woman scolding her s.o. for looking at another woman. After witnessing this mini-feud, I started pondering again something that I have always wondered about: is it ever possible to separate the physical act of intercourse from the emotional aspects of love? In other words, can a married person check out or fantasize about or, in extreme cases, have sex with someone other than his or her own spouse and still remain a devoted, loving partner? This issue is probably way too complex and delicate to banter about in a simple blog entry, so I will just toss out a few observations/viewpoints.

First, I realize that most people have affairs because they have stopped loving their partners. Or something like that. Jesus, as I write this entry, I'm beginning to appreciate what a loaded word "love" can be, i.e. by "stopped loving" above do I only mean they don't find their partners sexually attractive any more or am I trying to say that they have dissolved all emotional bonds, or both? I will update this entry when I figure it out myself. This is just getting messier and messier.

Basically, what I am trying to say is that I think I can find THE perfect girl (for me anyways), love and treasure her more than anything else in the world, be willing to die for her, and at the same time still appreciate other women's beauty. At least I don't think there is anything wrong with that, if I love her more than anyone else and I am totally devoted to her. Of course, I won't get all worked up into jealous rage if she does the same since there would be a mutual understanding between us. Then again, all of this is pure speculation. I have never been in a serious relationship and I can't predict something as irrational as emotions. I don't even know if I will be able to find that special someone.

Boy, I sound like a horn dog and a hippie.
I Should Start an Advice Column

Coworker 1: "My mother-in-law doesn't want me to buy Asian rice because she thinks they may be old. The American rice she buys tastes terrible!!"
Me: "Just tell her you don't like her rice and buy your own."
Coworker 2: "Don't ever tell her that. If you do, you are dead."
Me: "Ok, then you should just put some bugs in her rice so she will stop buying it."
Reagan Jr. is my New Idol!!

Wow, I never thought I would so thoroughly agree with a man from the House of Reagan. Ron Reagan Jr., the former president's son, sounds quite feisty in this interview with the always fascinating

"Sure, he wasn't a technocrat like Clinton. But my father was a man -- that's the difference between him and Bush. To paraphrase Jack Palance, my father crapped bigger ones than George Bush."

Maybe this is why such a big chunk of my paycheck is sucked up by the IRS:

In the meantime, Congress has shifted some of the tax burden away from businesses and onto individuals other than the very poor and the very richest.

The result of this long-term shift is that corporations keep 7 cents more of each dollar of profit after taxes while individuals keep 7 cents less of each dollar's earnings after paying income and payroll taxes.

After paying their federal income taxes, Americans had 3 fewer cents of each dollar to spend in 2000, the latest year for which detailed information is available, than they had in 1973. The overall individual income tax rate in 2000 was 18 cents on the dollar, up from 15 cents in 1973, the Syracuse report showed.

Add Social Security and Medicare taxes and the average effective tax rate was nearly 28 cents on each dollar of income in 2000, up from slightly more than 21 cents in 1973.

The opposite was true for corporations. Their effective income tax rates fell to 25.8 percent in 1999, from 32.4 percent in 1973, a decline of nearly 7 cents on the dollar.

That decline was concentrated among the largest corporations. Corporate profits are officially taxed at 35 cents on the dollar, but the 10,000 largest companies actually pay only about 20 cents of tax on each dollar of profit. Most of the tax savings, academic studies and Senate Finance Committee reports show, come from tax shelters that range from the perfectly legal to frauds so complex that I.R.S. auditors cannot understand them.
More Looting Happiness

Oh man, this article cracks me up:

"I came here thinking I wouldn't need any Arabic at all -- just `Put your hands up' and `Put your weapons down,'" Marine Sgt. Steven Christopher said. "They've been teaching me how to talk to the thieves. Things like, `You are lying, I'm not stupid,' and `If you steal, we will kill you.'"

U.S. soldiers, meanwhile, went through Oday Hussein's palace in Baghdad to see what Saddam's son left behind when he apparently fled. They found lots of liquor, electronics, pornography, Cuban cigars and -- "one of the weirder things" -- pictures of President Bush's twin daughters in one of Oday's gymnasiums, Capt. Ed Ballanco said.

"We took the pictures down, though," Ballanco said. "Just to, kind of, protect our -- protect our president here."

Better See Better Luck Tomorrow

From AP article:

In limited release, the low-budget "Better Luck Tomorrow" had a huge first weekend, grossing $398,489 in just 13 theaters for an average of $30,653. Directed by Justin Lin, the film features a cast of unknowns in the story of straight-A, Asian-American teens who, bored with their suburban lives, slide into petty crimes that lead to violence.

MTV Films acquired the movie at last year's Sundance Film Festival (news - web sites), feeling its fresh faces, dark humor, eclectic music and ambivalent ending would appeal to the network's youthful audience.

Asian-Americans made up a bit more than half the audience, but the filmmakers hope it can cross over to a wider crowd as the movie expands to more theaters over the next two weekends.

"These kids could be anybody," said Van Toffler, MTV president. "It's silly to underestimate the eclectic moviegoing tastes of our demographic. The cast doesn't have to look or feel like them for them to want to see it."
A Moral Dilemma

[Damn I need to go to sleep, but last post for the night]
On a particularly crowded bus today I noticed that the girl standing next to me was carrying two bags of stuff while trying to hang on to the metal rail. I was about to offer to hold one of her bags until I realized that she was not that cute. Now, I wasn't being super shallow. I always offer my seat to old ladies on the subway. I just couldn't risk the stigma of being rejected by a girl who wasn't that cute to begin with. Was I being silly?
Toy Story

On the train today I saw a little boy holding a brand new, sealed action figure. It seemed to be one of those mech bot thingies, which totally stirred up some old memories. When I was his age and still living in China, my dad sent me a Transformer action figure that he bought in the US. I don't even remember which character it was suppose to be now, but I will never forget my struggle to understand how the thing I had in my hand could be assembled into something that remotely resembled what was drawn on the box. After staring at the then meaningless English instructions for a long time, I finally figured out that my dad only sent me the Transformer's leg!! To actually assemble the damn robot I would have needed 3 or 4 other pieces!! Foolish adults!!
Asians Gone Wild

This picture has to be one of the top drunken pictures of all time. If there was a Hall of Fame of Pictures Featuring Intoxicated People, that picture would have been inducted into said Hall of Fame at the moment of its inception. I mean, it tops MY drunken pictures!!

For the record, even though in picture 1 Allen looks like he came while Ming was fucking him in the ass, I can assure you neither of these fine, upstanding young lads is gay (not that a gay person can't be fine/upstanding and not that there is anything wrong with that). And I'm not gay either, so all you heart-broken ladies can step away from the side of the roof.
Something Awful (Images)

I don't even remember where I found these images, but they are just so great they deserve to be part of my permanent collection. Now pimp Tolu pimp!! Don't look or rant if you stumbled on to this page randomly and you are easily offended.

Sunday, April 13, 2003

Taking Suggestions

Ok, I have a three-day weekend coming up and I figured I might as well go somewhere cool instead of being cooped up in my apt again. So far my sister and Cindy have suggested Boston while Kodiggity recommended Niagara Falls, which is way too far for me to drive by myself. Any more suggestions for a fine 3-day East-Coast romp? I will probably get depressed midway through anyways since I hate doing things by myself.
New Video Games

Like Josh said, I am an idiot. I just had to take advantage of the Toys R Us buy 2 PS2 games get 1 free offer today. I bought Grand Theft Auto Vice City, Devil May Cry 2 and Splinter Cell, all for around $113 after shipping and taxes, which is such a good deal considering each game is worth $50 alone. I will probably end up selling Splinter Cell because I'm not really into the stealth-mode kind of games, i.e. Metal Gear Solid 2. I just like to roam and kill baddies. I don't want to hide from them or paralyze them with tranquilizer darts, or whatever the hell these games have. I may never go to sleep again after I get my paws on these games. Woe to me.
Haunted on the Subway

On Friday on the way to the AMC movie theatre, I saw possibly the whitest/palest girl I have ever met. Her hair was a brilliant blond color and her face was milk white. She looked as if she had copious amount of make up on, but I don't think she did. She also looked like she just crawled out of a coffin from an episode of Six Feet Under.

I whispered to Josh: "I see white people..."
Great News

US Marines just found 7 POW's who are all alive and in pretty good condition health-wise. But couldn't they have shown a better picture of Spc. Shoshana Johnson than this one?